Discover how confident parenting and evidence-based parenting support emotional literacy in boys. This episode helps you avoid toxic masculinity while trusting yourself in your parenting choices.

[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to the Educated Parent Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Leah Konski, and today I am gonna give you a pep talk. I feel like we need one. Our kids have been out of school for a long time. There are so much pressure around the holidays, so I'm gonna give you a quick pep talk and I'm gonna tell you a story.

[00:00:25] Leah Clionsky: And hopefully those two things together will help you feel more self-confident and also give you something to laugh at a little bit because of course my story is going to be about a time when a lots of things went wrong for me. So here's the situation we are in. During the holidays, don't you feel this overwhelming pressure to create a lot of magic?

[00:00:52] Leah Clionsky: And sometimes that pressure can mean that when things don't go exactly how we want them to, it just feels overwhelming. Like it feels really frustrating sometimes. I don't know about you, but I can be hard on myself when I make a plan and it's supposed to go well, and the whole thing kind of falls apart, especially around the holidays.

[00:01:13] Leah Clionsky: And I was thinking about this, I was thinking about the amount of pressure on parents, especially on moms, but definitely on dads as well. And it reminded me of this situation that happened to me when my son was around 10 months old. And so my daughter was around three and a half and. This was a time when my husband was out of town and I decided that I was going to create this really fun weekend.

[00:01:45] Leah Clionsky: For the kids with just me. Now, just to give you some background, my son was born, born during the Delta wave of COVID. So basically we did not really take the kids anywhere for a really long time. So I was not used to going somewhere with a baby and a toddler like we, I had very little practice leaving the house with two young kids, but I decided that I was going to take them to a bubble show.

[00:02:15] Leah Clionsky: Downtown Houston. So a bubble show is when bubble artists, yes. That's a thing like create art out of bubbles. They blow giant bubbles in an auditorium. Um, bubbles of different sizes, apparently different colored bubbles. I thought, what could a baby and a toddler enjoy more than lots of bubbles? Doesn't that sound like a thing that kids that age would be really into?

[00:02:41] Leah Clionsky: So despite the fact that this was going to be 40 minutes away and I was going to have to go by myself, I thought, I can do this. It'll be fine. And my husband said, are you sure you wanna do this? Are you sure you wanna drive 40 minutes to this bubble show and go with the kids by yourself? Like that could be a lot.

[00:03:00] Leah Clionsky: Well, if you tell me that maybe I can't do something, that's about the best way for me to decide to prove that I absolutely can do it. So I was like, not only will it be fine, but it's going to go really well. Okay, so flash forward to the day of this bubble show. I get the kids into the car. I have the diaper bag, I have all the things we're driving, we're listening to kids' music in the car.

[00:03:30] Leah Clionsky: Probably Gabby's Dollhouse 'cause that's what my daughter loved at three. And right as we're getting into downtown Houston and I'm searching for a place to park, which is kind of a nightmare there. I hear my son start hysterically crying and I think, oh no, what's going on back there? So I managed to find this place to park where it's like all the cars are so close together that you can barely open the door, you know that kind of parking spot.

[00:03:57] Leah Clionsky: And I open the door to find him covered and vomit. And that's maybe the time when I should have turned around and gone home. But no, I had to prove that it would be fine and I was going to make it fine. Luckily, I had a change of clothes for him, so even though I was like crammed in the door, I somehow managed to successfully get this baby.

[00:04:20] Leah Clionsky: Into new clothes. Then I get my daughter out and we walk like 10 minutes to the bubble show theater. Of course, Houston parking is bad, so we can't park close. So we get there and we like get in. Everything is fine. We get settled into our seats. The bubble show starts and the baby just starts screaming and he's inconsolable, and I try like all the things, you know, I'm like rocking him.

[00:04:51] Leah Clionsky: I'm whispering to him. I'm patting his back. I'm attempting to feed him. Nothing is calming this baby down. In fact, he's ramping. Up and up and up, and I look over at my daughter and she's just entranced by this bubble show. She's so happy and I know that I'm about to tell her that we cannot stay. We cannot stay because this baby is so hysterical and there's no adult I can leave her with.

[00:05:19] Leah Clionsky: She's only three. I can't just leave her and walk out into the lobby and try to calm him down like we are. We're done. So I tell her, I'm so sorry, sweetie, we have to leave the bubble show. And she looks at me with these giant eyes and she says, mommy, I love the bubble show. And I'm like, I know, but look at your brother who is now purple in the face.

[00:05:40] Leah Clionsky: He's not gonna make it. And we have to get outta here. So now I am leading two hysterically crying kids. 10 minutes to the car, I'm cramming them into the car. You know my, of course the car smells like vomit and I'm driving 40 minutes and everyone is screaming and I'm thinking, this is a disaster. I've ruined everything.

[00:06:03] Leah Clionsky: This is not fun. My kids will forever remember this bubble show. They didn't get to see. I'm just like so down on myself about it, and they are so upset. And then this thing happens, which often happens to me, where if things get bad enough, like a, a switch flips and I'm like, oh, this is funny. So I started to think it was funny when we started getting your home.

[00:06:26] Leah Clionsky: I was like, this is went pretty much as badly as it could. What am I gonna do? I have to turn this around somehow. Like this cannot be the end of the story of this day for me. I refuse. I refuse to let it be the end. So the baby falls asleep. I get him in his crib. Get my daughter watching some Gabby's dollhouse while I try to regroup and I go into the kitchen.

[00:06:49] Leah Clionsky: I think everyone's hungry, and I open the refrigerator and I find some strawberries and one of those cans of whipped cream. And then I remember that we have chocolate chips in the, in the pantry. So in a just a couple minutes, I melt the chocolate, wash the strawberries, dip them in the chocolate to create chocolate covered strawberries, and I draw a giant heart on a plate with whipped cream and put the chocolate covered strawberries inside.

[00:07:18] Leah Clionsky: And I make one for myself too, because yes, I deserve it. So I say to my daughter, guess what? I've made you a very special snack just for you. I turn off the TV and she comes over and she sees that whipped cream heart and the chocolate covered strawberries inside and her face just lights up and she's thrilled.

[00:07:41] Leah Clionsky: So we just sit there and we eat the chocolate covered strawberries and she says to me, mommy, this was the best day ever. I always think about that, right? Everything to me had been a disaster, but apparently a whipped cream heart and strawberries and chocolate turned the whole thing around for her. And this is what I try to remind myself when I put too much pressure on myself around the holidays, that the things that I.

[00:08:15] Leah Clionsky: Have a lot of importance wrapped up in the things that I think are gonna make things quote unquote perfect, are not necessarily the things that stand out to my kids. And for her, I made her the best day ever, even though things went really wrong before. So if you need a pep talk and a laugh, I hope you got those things.

[00:08:34] Leah Clionsky: It's okay if you mess up. It's okay if things go wrong, you can turn it around. And the small things are often the things. That really make our kids happy in the end. So I hope you have a wonderful holiday, whatever it is that you celebrate, and I am so excited to see you again in the new year.

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