Is It Okay to Travel Without Your Kids? Here’s Why Moms Need a Break (And How to Lose the Mom Guilt)
Let’s talk about something most of us feel but rarely say out loud:
You’re tired.
You’re touched out.
And the thought of a solo weekend away - or even one night in a quiet hotel room - feels like heaven.
But just as you start planning it… boom. Mom guilt hits.
Sound familiar?
In this episode of The Educated Parent, I want to give you full permission - and a research-backed nudge - to take that trip. Not only is it okay to travel without your kids, it’s essential. This isn’t about being selfish - it’s about recognizing that moms need a break, and that taking time away is good for everyone.
So let’s walk through 3 practical ways to prepare your child for your trip without spiraling into mom guilt - and why leaning into that independence helps you show up as the calm, connected mom you want to be.
Step 1: Tell Them in Advance
One of the biggest triggers for mom guilt is that tiny voice saying, “They’re going to be sad when I leave.”
And… maybe they will be. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Here’s how to deal with mom guilt in this moment: choose clarity over surprise. By telling your child in advance - clearly and confidently - you actually make your trip feel less stressful for both of you.
I usually tell my kids 5–7 days before I leave.
Here’s how that sounds:
“Next Friday, I’m flying to see my friends. You’ll be with Daddy and Grandma, and I’ll be back Sunday night while you're sleeping. We’ll have breakfast together Monday morning.”
By being upfront, you’re showing them that adults have plans, responsibilities, and yes - desires. And that those plans are safe, predictable, and nothing to be afraid of.
That’s not selfish. That’s called modeling emotional intelligence. And it’s a key part of how to deal with mom guilt before it hijacks your plans.
Step 2: Validate Their Feelings
Sometimes we avoid telling our kids things in advance because we don’t want to deal with the fallout.
But remember: You’re not ruining them. You’re raising them.
It’s okay if your child says, “I don’t want you to go.”
Here’s what I say in response:
“That makes sense. You love having me home, and I love being here too. I’m going to miss you. But I’m excited for this trip - and I’ll come back so ready to snuggle.”
This is how to deal with mom guilt in real time. You’re not pushing away your child’s emotion - but you’re not abandoning your own, either.
You’re allowed to feel excited about a break. You’re allowed to need it. And you’re allowed to teach your kids that healthy relationships include coming and going.
Why? Because moms need a break to recharge. And that’s what makes us better parents.
Step 3: Give Them an Attachment Object to Feel Close
A simple way to soothe the goodbye moment is to offer your child a little something to hold onto.
When I travel, I usually leave:
A short note they find after school
A stuffed animal I “hugged with love”
A voice message on their device
These small tokens create connection in your absence - and help you stick to the plan without second-guessing. They’re a tangible reminder that love doesn’t disappear just because you’re in another zip code.
Remember: why moms need me time is not because we don’t love our kids - it’s because we do. We know we show up better when we’re not stretched thin, burned out, and stuck in martyr mode.
So give your child a touchpoint - and then go refill your own tank.
Why This Isn’t Just About “Self-Care”
Let me be clear: this isn’t about getting your nails done.
This is about your right to be a whole person - not just someone’s parent. You’re not just a snack dispenser and bedtime enforcer. You’re a human being with needs, relationships, and an inner life.
And sometimes, that means stepping away.
Here’s what I’ve learned (and what I hope you take with you):
Moms need a break to reconnect with themselves
Taking time away doesn’t mean you love your kids less - it means you trust them to be okay
How to deal with mom guilt starts with remembering that sacrifice isn’t the gold standard of motherhood - presence is
When you return rested, grounded, and lit up again - you’ll remember exactly who you are, and why this matters.
Final Words (From One Mom to Another)
If you’ve been wrestling with mom guilt about taking a trip, I want you to hear this:
You are not selfish for wanting time away
You are not a bad mom for booking the ticket
You are modeling exactly what you want your child to believe someday:
That they matter and that their needs matter too
This is why moms need a break. This is why moms need me time. Not as a luxury, but as a life practice.
So go. Make the plans. Prep your kids with love. And enjoy the version of yourself that comes back feeling like a person again.
🎧 Want more emotional support, personal examples, and practical tips?
Listen to the full episode of The Educated Parent:
Is It Okay to Travel Without Your Kids? Here’s Why Moms Need a Break (And How to Lose the Mom Guilt)
Resources mentioned in this episode:
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to the Educated Parent Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Leah Konski, and this is another one of our chats with no guests present. And today we're going to talk about a common parenting dilemma. And that dilemma is how do we prepare our kids when we are going out of town without them? This comes up all the time.
[00:00:25] Leah Clionsky: Most of us are going to. Travel at some point and need to do that travel without the kids present. So I'm going to walk you through some strategies for how to talk to them about it before you leave. But before I do that, I am going to talk with you about, I dunno, I don't know if this is a normal take, but I think that it can actually be really good for kids for us to sometimes travel without them.
[00:00:56] Leah Clionsky: Oh yeah. I actually do not experience a whole lot of mom guilt about doing some travel without my children there. I do love to travel with them. I do think it is also important to do things with your children, but we all know that a trip with F with children is a trip and not a vacation. Until, I guess they get a little bit older, then you're more likely to get an actual vacation in.
[00:01:22] Leah Clionsky: But you just have a totally different experience if you're doing something with your kids versus on your own. And we also know that there are trips where it's just not appropriate for children to come along. So I've been thinking about this topic because I am actually about to go on a weekend trip myself.
[00:01:42] Leah Clionsky: Leaving tomorrow. So I've been preparing my children for me going out of town in this situation. I am going out of town, but their dad is not. So they are spending a long weekend with their dad and their grandma, who lives about seven hours away, is actually gonna come hang out for a little bit too, and they're always really thrilled to see her.
[00:02:05] Leah Clionsky: Then this time I'm traveling for fun. Sometimes we have to travel for work. This time I get to go for fun. And I think maybe at a different point in my life or maybe if I did not know what I know about child development, I would feel a lot of mom guilt for going out of town without the kids and leaving them with their dad.
[00:02:29] Leah Clionsky: And I wanted to address this because mom guilt is rough. I'm not saying that dads never feel guilty about taking a trip without their kids. You know, I think this can happen to anyone, but there is so much pressure on moms to be completely self-sacrificing. To always be home, to always be there, and that pressure is external from like our culture saying, you know, the best mom is a mom who has given everything up for her child children's wellbeing.
[00:02:59] Leah Clionsky: There's also pressure from the kids, right? They're like, mommy, I don't want you to go. They love it when I'm around. So between those two things, you know, and if you don't have a spouse who's really supportive of you going out of town, then maybe there's pressure there too. I'm lucky I don't run into that, but some people do.
[00:03:17] Leah Clionsky: So if you have all of that pressure, you could feel extremely guilty about leaving town for even a few days, even if it's for work. So I'm going to talk to you a little bit about why I think it is. Okay. For you to go out of town without the kids, and then I'm going to tell you how I think you should talk about this with kids.
[00:03:41] Leah Clionsky: So why is it good for you to sometimes leave the kids wi in a safe place with a trusted caregiver while you do something without them? Well, the first thing is that it is good for you as a human. Right. We are parents, but we are also humans, right? We are important. We are not just important because if we take good care of ourselves, that makes us better parents, which is a hundred percent true, right?
[00:04:08] Leah Clionsky: If you do take better care of yourself, if you don't feel burnt out and run ragged, and you get to feel relaxed and connected with other people, you will come back as a better parent. Like this is true, right? You'll come back missing your kids, you'll come back appreciating your kids, and you will have filled your own cup and therefore you will be more emotionally available for them.
[00:04:31] Leah Clionsky: Like that is true, like that is accurate. If you listen to that episode that I did about how to make a smoother morning routine, and the entire secret was that you personally, as the parent, should be eating breakfast and taking basic care of yourself, right? That is. That is a theme kind of across parenting.
[00:04:51] Leah Clionsky: The better we are as people, the better we are as parents, but even if we like take that out for a second and put that to the side, you are a human being and you deserve to have good times and good things happen to you and grow and develop for yourself. You deserve to have that happen whether you are a parent or not.
[00:05:15] Leah Clionsky: And I want that for you and I want that for me. Me, right? I want to be the person I wanna be, as well as the mom that I want to be. Those things to me are not, it's not a choice between either or. So it's really important to me that I am respecting myself and taking care of myself. If I'm leaving for work, you know, there's nothing I can do about that anyway.
[00:05:38] Leah Clionsky: Right? Work is required, although work can be fulfilling too, and it can help show your kids. That you have an identity outside for them. So I think it is also good for your kids, for you to go out of town without them sometimes. Let me tell you a couple reasons why. Number one, I think it is good for your kids to see that you have a broader world in your life than just them.
[00:06:07] Leah Clionsky: It's really a unique thing for them to suddenly realize like, oh, this person is my mom. Or my dad and they still have their own identity. My children recently learned that I have a first name. Isn't that so funny? It like didn't occur to them that I would have a first name. They're like, oh, your name is Leah.
[00:06:29] Leah Clionsky: And they'll say it to me. They're like, are you Leah? And I'm like, yeah, that is my first name. And they're like, how long have you had that name? Since I was born, guys, right? I am Leah. That is my first name. That is who I am to myself and to everyone, but you, right? That is my identity. But it's fascinating to them, like they're so interested in seeing the ways that adults can be real people and seeing that adults have friends and activities outside of them.
[00:07:02] Leah Clionsky: That's fascinating to them that opens you up as a human in a way that's not scary. Right. It's not in a way that's threatening to them, but you're like, yeah, I have other things too that I like to do. And those other things might include work. Like, oh yeah, I have responsibilities to other people too.
[00:07:18] Leah Clionsky: Isn't that so cool? Because someday you might choose to work and then you can have those sorts of responsibilities. As well. So you're just modeling different sorts of things. Now I'm just gonna of course jump in and say that I think it is okay to work and I think it is that it is totally acceptable to not be a working parent.
[00:07:37] Leah Clionsky: However you do it in your life and in your family is acceptable. And I do think it is cool for your kids to get to see different aspects of you and different rules that you have to play. Because ideally, at least for me, I want my kids to grow up and want to continue to grow as humans themselves. Even when they're parents, I want them to value themselves as humans, you know, you can be a full person and a good parent at the same time, so it's good for them to see us doing that and modeling that, in my opinion.
[00:08:13] Leah Clionsky: Another reason why I think it is good for you to go out of town without your kids when you are leaving them with trusted caregivers is because your absence allows them to form different and better and deeper connections with other people in your family. If you've listened to John Paul's episode a couple weeks ago about dads and the role of dads.
[00:08:42] Leah Clionsky: One thing he talks about is that the research tells us that children having multiple close relationships with many caregivers is good for them, their mental health and their wellbeing. And that is true. So if I am there and family is there, I actually get in the way sometimes just by being there.
[00:09:06] Leah Clionsky: Because things will auto default to me. If I'm there, I am doing bedtime, right? I am making the meals. I am designing the itinerary. That's the default because I am the mom, right? But when I am out of town. Suddenly other people are stepping in. Suddenly grandma is putting you to bed. Some suddenly, you know, if they're with their grandfathers, like they're putting them to bed, they have different things they do.
[00:09:34] Leah Clionsky: They have different routines, different rituals, different special times, different kinds of relationships. When dad is there and I'm not there, the tone is just different. Right. Like when you know this, whenever there's a group of people, if one person is gone, the dynamic shifts, right, depending upon who is left.
[00:09:53] Leah Clionsky: So me not being there opens up some freedom for everybody else to form these different kinds of relationships with my kids. And those relationships are precious and I want my children to have them. Then when I come back, then I get to hear all about these cool other things they did with different caregivers.
[00:10:15] Leah Clionsky: So, you know, I think it just builds up closeness when I am not there with my very presence interfering. The third reason why I think it is good for my children for me to sometimes go out of town is because they get to have the experience. Of having a trusted caregiver explain that they're leaving and that they will be back and then have me come back.
[00:10:44] Leah Clionsky: Right. That builds trust. That builds attachment. Look at me. You love me. I'm leaving. You know that I'm going to leave. You know that I'm going to come back. Then I come back. That just builds this deep attachment and trust, and we want kids to know that safe adults come back. So it is good for them to see that too.
[00:11:08] Leah Clionsky: And again, as I mentioned right at the beginning, I do come back. Usually more relaxed, right? Having met my own needs in a different way or having accomplished something I wanted to accomplish. So it's kind of a net good for everyone involved. It's, I mean, there are stressful elements to it. There's the prep before I leave.
[00:11:29] Leah Clionsky: There's, you know, like the feeling that I know that I'm putting more responsibility on other caregivers, even though they're happy to step up, you know, it's. You know, my husband's probably gonna deal with more temper tantrums, more. I want mommies if I go out of town. And also the kids, even though it is good for them to build these other relationships, it's good for them to see that I'm gonna come back.
[00:11:53] Leah Clionsky: It's good for them to see that, that I come back and I am probably more chill than when I left. You know, even though all of those things are true, it is hard for them. When I leave, they are sad that I'm going out of town. And so those feelings come up and those feelings are normal. And it would be kind of weird if I went out of town and they didn't care, right?
[00:12:18] Leah Clionsky: For a three and a 6-year-old, I would be concerned if they truly didn't care if I left. So it's important that I prepare them for how I am going to go out of town, and I have some conversations with them leading up to the fact that I am leaving. And I think it's a good idea for you to have these conversations too if you're going out of town for a day or more.
[00:12:43] Leah Clionsky: Sometimes parents are really worried about having conversations. They don't like to prepare kids for things because they don't wanna deal with the upset feelings in advance, but it is so much less scary. For kids if they know what will happen. It makes the world more predictable. So you don't wanna do something.
[00:13:05] Leah Clionsky: Like not tell your kids you're going out of town because you know it will upset them and then just not be there when they get home. That is scary, right? That makes the world feel unsafe. There's no emotional preparedness that's gonna create anxiety where your kids are thinking, when are you gonna be here and when are you gonna be home?
[00:13:24] Leah Clionsky: And today are you just not gonna be home? What's going on? it's a predictable way of creating a lot of anxiety in your relationship with your kid. So I think it is always important to be honest with kids, and it's always important to give them some preparation, but you don't need to give them like months and months of preparation.
[00:13:44] Leah Clionsky: So for me, with my kids, the amount of prep I like to give them is about a week. So my first strategy for helping your kids cope with you going out of town is to tell them about week in advance. And you know, you kind of just stick right with the details. So starting last Friday, I was saying to my kids, you know, we have the weekend coming up next Friday, so in seven days from now, I am getting on an airplane and I'm going to go see some friends and I will be gone Friday night, Saturday night, and then I'll come home on Sunday after you're in bed.
[00:14:26] Leah Clionsky: And I will see you on Monday. And then they, you know, they asked again. They're like, okay, so when will you be gone? When are you leaving? And I just kind of walk them through. I might even pull out a calendar if they're really confused, but my kids have pretty good understanding of dates. But you can also pull out a visual calendar that can be very useful for some kids.
[00:14:47] Leah Clionsky: So I'll say, okay. You see right now it's Friday, so I'm gonna be home today, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. All of those days I am still going to be home, but that next Friday, which is one week from today, that's when I'm getting on an airplane, and then I will be gone Friday, Saturday, coming back late on Sunday.
[00:15:13] Leah Clionsky: Do you have any questions about that? And often they'll ask me about it multiple times. You know, my three-year-old will say, so you're going on an airplane? And I'm like, yeah, I'm going. I'm going on an airplane. You're going on an airplane and I will be there. No, you and your sister are gonna be home with daddy and grandma, so I will be on the airplane.
[00:15:35] Leah Clionsky: And then you will, and your sister will be home with daddy and grandma. So see how what the kids really care about is how long are you gonna be gone and what's gonna happen to me? And that's really the information you're trying to give in this prep. Like what will happen during those times. And that is really reassuring for them.
[00:15:57] Leah Clionsky: So you wanna have this conversation. The timing of it may change slightly depending upon the age of your child. And how long they can grasp that kind of information. For an older child, you can tell them much further in advance and then kind of update them as it gets closer. The way I do it is first I tell them about it and then I update them in the week leading up to the fact that I'm leaving because I really want them to understand, so I don't just wait till Friday and remind them.
[00:16:26] Leah Clionsky: I'm letting them know on Monday and then on Wednesday and then on Thursday, right? Like there is a lead up. Reminder. So we had a conversation this morning about how I am leaving tomorrow, and grandma will come and Daddy will be here and they're gonna do these fun things. They're gonna go to their swim lessons, they're gonna go play.
[00:16:46] Leah Clionsky: You know, I'm letting them know what they will be doing and when I will be coming home. So that is what they really want to know. So you're kind of doing this progressive communication with them about the timeline. Okay. The second thing you do is you let them talk about their feelings and you validate them.
[00:17:05] Leah Clionsky: So they'll say, I'm sad that you will be out of town. I don't want you to go, and I'm not gonna try to fix it. I'm not like, well, don't be sad. I'm coming back. Instead, I say, yeah, I can see why you would be sad that I'm going out of town. You really like it when I'm home and we're all together. It's okay to be a little sad when mommy will goes out of town.
[00:17:27] Leah Clionsky: And I will be back. Right. So I'm not saying, don't have your feeling. That feeling again is understandable. Of course. They're gonna be sad that I'm out of town. I'll share with them. I'm gonna be sad a little bit too. 'cause I love you. I'm gonna miss you. Right. So you'll miss me and I'll miss you. And then we'll get to see each other When you wake up Monday morning.
[00:17:50] Leah Clionsky: See how I'm just giving that information? I'm not letting that. That feeling that I need to fix it for them, take over. And I think that that is honestly because as I mentioned before, I don't feel guilty about leaving. I don't think I'm doing anything terrible to them by leaving. And I understand that they will have feelings about it.
[00:18:10] Leah Clionsky: And so sometimes that's where if you can process your own feelings and the guilt that might pop up for you automatically, you're actually less likely to be defensive and it's easier for you to listen to their feelings and validate. The third thing that you can do is have some sort of attachment object, so some way of them feeling connected to you when you leave.
[00:18:37] Leah Clionsky: There are so many ways for you to do this, depending upon the age of your kid, how much they need, their anxiety level, and also probably your anxiety level to some extent. Like you could have a picture of you in them together. They used to have these pictures where you could push on 'em and like your voice would say, I love you, or whatever it is you're going to say.
[00:19:00] Leah Clionsky: You know, if you wanna get really fancy with it, you could go to build a Bear and like build a stuffed animal and like record your voice in the heart. It helps to have something tangible for kids. You can write them a note. My kids really like that, especially since my daughter can read the notes I write now, so I'll make sure that I leave a note for them when they get home from camp.
[00:19:23] Leah Clionsky: With me telling them that I love them. Sometimes you can do something where you like give this stuffed animal their favorite stuffed animal, a special kiss and hug, and then when they hug that stuffed animal, then they get a special kiss and hug coming from you. You know, usually it's something physical.
[00:19:40] Leah Clionsky: I remember when I was a kid, my mom had this like little locket that she would let me wear when she went out of town. Made it feel very special for me at this point. I wouldn't let my kids, I think, have something that they could lose like that to like in case they lost it and then they were really sad, you know, that they lost it while I was out of town.
[00:20:01] Leah Clionsky: But you can definitely think about your own child and create something that can connect you guys when you are gone. Yeah, so those are the strategies. So again, the first strategy is tell them in advance, tell them in simple ways that they will understand. Focus on what's going to happen to them. Keep it on a positive note, and let them, and keep updating them as it gets closer so that they don't get blindsided.
[00:20:32] Leah Clionsky: The second strategy is to listen to and validate their feelings without telling them they shouldn't be upset. And the third part is having a, some attachment object where they can feel connected to you even when you are gone. And if you wanna throw in something extra, you can always sing the Daniel Tiger Grownups Come Back song.
[00:20:56] Leah Clionsky: You can easily find that song, but the entire song is a song about how grownups go away and then they come back and how you will come back too. So I hope this episode is helpful to you. I hope you can use it the next time you go out of town. I hope it gives you strategies and it also makes you feel less guilty about doing something good for yourself that is also good for your kids.
[00:21:20] Leah Clionsky: I hope you have a wonderful week. Take wonderful care of yourself, and I will see you the next time.