How to Back Down When You’re the One Escalating the Conflict
Have you ever gotten into an argument with your child, become increasingly frustrated with their behavior, and then suddenly realized something uncomfortable?
Wait. I think I'm the one who started this.
Maybe you snapped at your child because you were already having a bad day. Maybe they responded with an attitude, and instead of recognizing what was happening, you got even angrier.
Now you're both upset, and you're wondering how you got here.
As a child psychologist and a parent, I can tell you that these moments happen. Even to those of us who spend our professional lives helping families navigate difficult interactions.
In fact, I recently had one of these moments with my seven-year-old daughter.
And while I'm not proud of how I handled the beginning of our interaction, I do think there's something valuable to learn from it.
Because parenting mistakes are inevitable. What matters is recognizing when we're contributing to the problem and knowing how to repair the relationship afterward.
Today, I want to talk about how to apologize to your child, why taking responsibility doesn't mean giving up your authority, and how thoughtful communication with children can turn an escalating argument into an opportunity to teach a valuable life skill.
The Day I Started an Argument With My Seven-Year-Old
Let me tell you what happened.
I was home with my seven-year-old daughter, and I was in a terrible mood because I couldn't find my phone.
If you know me personally, you know this is not an unusual occurrence.
I lose my phone constantly.
Honestly, I probably lose it five times a day.
But this particular time, I was expecting an important call or text, and I was getting increasingly frustrated that I couldn't find it.
Meanwhile, my daughter was happily painting.
She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was enjoying herself.
When she finished, I asked her to clean up.
Except I didn't really ask.
Instead of saying something like, "Hey, could you please clean up your painting supplies?" I snapped at her.
"Clean up the paint. You're done with that."
My tone was sharp and irritated.
It wasn't how I would want anyone speaking to me.
And then I made things worse.
When Frustration Turns Into Criticism
My daughter actually started cleaning up.
She was doing what I'd asked.
But instead of appreciating that, I began criticizing how she was doing it.
Why was she picking up that item first?
Why wasn't she thinking through the cleanup process?
Why wasn't she doing things in the order I thought made sense?
I kept correcting her.
And eventually, she got frustrated.
Her tone became sharp, too.
Then I got angry because she was being disrespectful.
Do you see what happened?
I approached her with an irritated tone, criticized her while she was cooperating, and then became upset when she started speaking to me the same way.
We were both getting angrier.
And I was treating her reaction as though it had come out of nowhere.
The Moment I Realized I Was the Problem
Fortunately, I had a moment of clarity.
I realized that I had created the situation.
My daughter hadn't caused my frustration.
My missing phone had.
And instead of managing that frustration, I'd brought it into an interaction with her.
Then I'd gotten upset when she responded negatively.
That realization was uncomfortable.
But it also gave me a choice.
I could double down.
I could insist that she stop speaking disrespectfully, continue criticizing her, and turn the whole thing into a bigger conflict.
Or I could recognize my role in what was happening and change course.
This is where taking responsibility becomes so important.
Sometimes, as parents, we get caught up in the idea that we have to maintain control of every interaction.
We worry that backing down means letting our children win.
But parenting isn't a competition.
And recognizing that you've contributed to a conflict doesn't mean you're surrendering your authority.
It means you're choosing to respond in a way that reflects your values.
How Do You Know When to Back Down?
This is an important distinction.
I am not suggesting that parents should back down every time their children become upset.
Children need boundaries.
They need expectations.
And sometimes they need appropriate consequences when they refuse to follow reasonable directions.
Our job isn't to make our children happy every moment of the day.
So how can you tell the difference between a situation where you should hold your boundary and one where you should reconsider your approach?
When Holding the Boundary Makes Sense
Let's imagine I'd approached my daughter differently.
Suppose I'd calmly said:
"Hey, it's time to clean up your painting supplies. Please put everything away."
And suppose she'd refused.
If I'd then calmly followed through with an appropriate consequence, I could have stood behind that decision.
Even if she didn't like it.
Even if she got upset.
The request would have been reasonable, and my response would have reflected the expectations I'd set.
That's different from what actually happened.
When You're Contributing to the Conflict
In my situation, my daughter was already doing what I'd asked.
The problem was my tone and the way I kept criticizing her.
I wasn't calmly enforcing a reasonable boundary.
I was expressing frustration that had nothing to do with her.
And then I was punishing her emotionally for reacting to it.
That's an important distinction when reflecting on parenting mistakes.
Ask yourself:
Did I make a reasonable request?
Was my tone respectful?
Was my child actually refusing to cooperate?
Am I responding to their behavior or to my own frustration?
Would I feel comfortable with someone speaking to me the way I'm speaking to my child?
You won't always get a clear answer immediately.
Sometimes you'll recognize the problem afterward.
But asking these questions can help you figure out whether you're holding an appropriate boundary or escalating an unnecessary conflict.
Three Steps to Repair a Conflict You Helped Create
Once I recognized what was happening, I needed to do something about it.
I couldn't simply pretend the interaction hadn't happened.
And I didn't want my daughter walking away believing that the way we'd been speaking to each other was healthy.
So I used three steps to reset the situation.
These are the same steps I encourage parents to consider when they recognize that they've contributed to an argument.
Step 1: Describe What's Happening
The first thing I did was explain the dynamic we were caught in.
I said something along the lines of:
"Right now, we're both getting frustrated with each other over something really small. I was irritated with you, and now you're angry with me. We're both saying things that aren't helping, and I don't think either of us actually wants to be fighting."
Notice what I didn't do.
I didn't start by blaming her.
I didn't demand that she change her tone.
I simply described what was happening between us.
Why Naming the Conflict Helps
Children don't automatically recognize patterns in their relationships.
They may notice that they're angry.
They may notice that you're angry.
But they don't necessarily understand how one person's behavior can influence another person's reaction.
By describing the situation, I was helping my daughter recognize that pattern.
And that's a skill she'll need throughout her life.
Someday, she may be the person who unintentionally starts an argument with a friend, sibling, partner, or coworker.
I want her to be able to recognize what's happening.
I want her to notice when a conversation is escalating.
And I want her to understand that she has choices about how to respond.
This is one of the ways communication with children becomes more than simply giving instructions.
We're teaching them how relationships work.
You Can Do This After the Argument, Too
Ideally, we recognize these moments while they're happening.
But let's be realistic.
Most of the time, we don't.
Sometimes you only realize what happened later that evening.
Or the next morning.
That's okay.
You can still return to the conversation.
You might say:
"Yesterday, we got into an argument, and I think we both ended up saying things we didn't feel good about. I don't think either of us wanted that to happen."
You don't have to catch every mistake in real time for the conversation to be valuable.
Strategy 3: Invite Your Child Into the Problem-Solving
Once you've spent some time narrating your thinking, you can begin involving your child more actively.
Instead of explaining every step, ask them what they think should happen next.
For example:
“It's hot outside today. What do you think we should put in your lunchbox?”
Or:
“We're getting ready to leave. You've got your shoes on. What else do you need?”
You're shifting from doing all the thinking for your child to helping them practice doing some of that thinking themselves.
Start With Questions They Can Answer
Daniel shared an example involving his nine-year-old son making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Rather than making the sandwich for him or giving him every instruction, Daniel walks him through the process.
“What do you need?”
His son gathers the bread, peanut butter, and jelly.
“What's next?”
He begins making the sandwich.
Then he realizes the knife is dirty.
Instead of immediately solving the problem, Daniel asks:
“What do you think you should do about that?”
This gives his son an opportunity to figure out the next step.
He isn't expected to know everything immediately.
He's receiving support while practicing independence.
This Is Called Scaffolding
In child development, scaffolding means providing support while a child learns a skill, then gradually reducing that support as the child becomes more capable.
Think about teaching someone to ride a bike.
At first, you provide a lot of help.
Then you gradually let them do more.
Eventually, they can ride independently.
The same principle applies to getting ready, packing lunches, organizing backpacks, and completing other everyday tasks.
The goal isn't to make children dependent on our instructions forever.
It's to teach them how to manage these tasks themselves.
Step 2: Apologize and Own Your Part
The second thing I did was apologize.
I explained that I'd been frustrated because I couldn't find my phone.
And I acknowledged that I'd taken that frustration out on her.
I said something like:
"I couldn't find my phone, and it made me really grumpy. I started talking to you in a way that wasn't okay, and I think that caused this whole argument. I'm really sorry."
That apology mattered.
Because I wasn't simply saying, "Sorry you're upset."
I was identifying what I'd done wrong.
And I was acknowledging that my behavior had affected her.
How to Apologize to Your Child Without Making Excuses
If you're wondering how to apologize to your child, here's the distinction I want you to remember:
Providing context is not the same as making an excuse.
I could explain that losing my phone had made me frustrated.
But that didn't make it okay for me to speak sharply to my daughter.
The phone was the reason I was irritated.
It wasn't a justification for how I treated her.
A meaningful apology might sound like:
"I'm sorry I snapped at you. I was frustrated about something else, and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair."
Or:
"I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. I was angry, but I still need to treat you respectfully."
The important thing is to be specific.
Tell your child what you did.
Acknowledge that it wasn't okay.
And take ownership without shifting the blame back onto them.
Don't Demand an Apology in Return
Here's something else that's important.
When you apologize to your child, don't immediately expect them to apologize back.
Sometimes they will.
In fact, when children feel that you've genuinely acknowledged your part in a conflict, they may become more willing to acknowledge theirs.
They might say:
"Well, I shouldn't have talked to you that way either."
That's wonderful when it happens.
But it shouldn't be a requirement.
In my situation, I was the person driving the conflict.
I was the one who needed to take responsibility.
If my daughter hadn't apologized, that wouldn't have changed what I needed to do.
An apology isn't a transaction.
It's an acknowledgment of your own behavior.
And taking responsibility means owning your part whether or not the other person does the same.
Step 3: Ask for a Do-Over
After describing the conflict and apologizing, I asked my daughter whether we could start again.
I said something like:
"This isn't working. Can we have a do-over? Can I ask you differently, and can we both try to be calmer?"
It's a simple question.
But it can completely change the direction of an interaction.
Instead of continuing to fight about something that has already gone badly, you're creating an opportunity to try again.
What If Your Child Isn't Ready?
Sometimes your child will be happy to reset immediately.
You might say:
"Can we start over?"
And they'll say:
"Okay."
Then you can calmly repeat your original request.
"Could you please clean up your painting supplies?"
And they can respond without the tension that was there before.
But sometimes your child will still be angry.
They might say:
"No. I'm still mad at you."
That's okay, too.
You can give them some time.
You might say:
"Okay. Let's take 10 minutes, and then we can try again."
The goal isn't to force your child to feel better immediately.
It's to create a path back toward a healthier interaction.
Reconnection Matters, Too
After you've reset the conversation, you may want to spend a little time reconnecting.
That might mean:
Playing a game together
Taking a short walk
Watching something together
Sharing a laugh
Saying something kind and genuine about your child
You don't need an elaborate repair ritual.
Sometimes a few minutes of positive connection are enough to help both of you move forward.
And that reconnection can reinforce something important:
We had a conflict, but our relationship is still okay.
Why Apologizing Doesn't Undermine Your Authority
One concern I hear from parents is that apologizing makes them look weak.
They worry their children will stop respecting them if they admit they were wrong.
But think about what we're actually teaching.
If we expect our children to acknowledge their mistakes, shouldn't we model that ourselves?
If we want them to treat others respectfully, shouldn't we show them what respectful repair looks like?
And if we want them to recognize when they've hurt someone, shouldn't we demonstrate that skill?
Learning how to apologize to your child isn't about giving up your role as the parent.
It's about showing your child that being in charge doesn't mean being above accountability.
You can still hold boundaries.
You can still expect respectful behavior.
You can still follow through with appropriate consequences.
And you can acknowledge when your own behavior hasn't met the standards you're trying to teach.
Those things are not contradictory.
In fact, they're part of the same goal.
What Your Child Learns When You Repair a Conflict
One of the most valuable things we can teach our children is that conflict doesn't have to destroy a relationship.
People get frustrated.
People misunderstand each other.
People say things they regret.
And sometimes people handle situations badly.
That's part of being human.
The goal isn't to create a family where nobody ever argues.
The goal is to help our children learn how to recover when conflict happens.
Conflict Resolution Is a Life Skill
When we model healthy repair, we're teaching our children to:
Recognize when an interaction is escalating
Understand their own contribution to a disagreement
Acknowledge behavior they regret
Apologize without making excuses
Give others space when they need it
Reconnect after difficult moments
These skills matter far beyond childhood.
They affect friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, and family life.
And children learn them partly by watching how we handle our own disagreements.
That's why communication with children during conflict is so important.
We're not just resolving the argument in front of us.
We're showing our kids what healthy conflict resolution can look like.
What If You Keep Making the Same Mistake?
There's one more piece of this conversation I don't want to overlook.
Apologizing is important.
But it doesn't mean we should ignore patterns in our own behavior.
In my case, I know that losing my phone is something that frustrates me.
I also know that I need to work on how I speak to people when I'm feeling that irritated.
Recognizing that pattern gives me something to work on.
Maybe your pattern is different.
Maybe you're more likely to snap when you're running late.
Maybe you become impatient when you're hungry or exhausted.
Maybe you have a hard time staying calm when your child doesn't listen the first time.
The point isn't to shame yourself for having these reactions.
It's to notice them.
Look for the Pattern Before the Conflict
If you repeatedly find yourself escalating arguments, ask:
"What was happening for me before this interaction started?"
Were you already stressed?
Were you distracted?
Were you overwhelmed?
Were you expecting your child to manage something that was difficult for them?
Understanding your own patterns can help you make different choices the next time.
And if you recognize that you've handled something poorly, you can still repair it.
The fact that a mistake has happened before doesn't mean the repair isn't worth doing.
But repeated apologies should also be accompanied by genuine efforts to change the behavior.
A Simple Script for the Next Time You Lose Your Cool
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you don't need to remember every detail of this article.
Just remember three steps:
1. Name what's happening.
"We're both getting really frustrated, and this conversation isn't going well."
2. Own your part.
"I was already upset, and I spoke to you in a way that wasn't okay. I'm sorry."
3. Ask to reset.
"Can we start over and try this conversation again?"
If your child needs time, give them time.
If you need time, take it.
Then return to the conversation when you're both more ready.
This isn't a magic formula that guarantees every disagreement will disappear.
But it gives you a way to interrupt an unhelpful pattern and move toward repair.
Final Thoughts: You Can Change the Direction of a Conflict
I wish I could tell you that being a child psychologist means I always handle difficult parenting moments perfectly.
Clearly, that's not the case.
Sometimes I lose my phone.
Sometimes I get irritated.
And sometimes that irritation comes out in ways I'm not proud of.
But I also know that one difficult interaction doesn't have to determine what happens next.
When we recognize our parenting mistakes, we have an opportunity to make a different choice.
We can stop escalating.
We can acknowledge our part.
We can apologize.
And we can help our children learn that healthy relationships aren't built on never having disagreements.
They're built, in part, on knowing how to recover from them.
That's why taking responsibility matters so much.
And why learning how to apologize to your child is one of the most valuable relationship skills we can model.
Because ultimately, healthy communication with children isn't about always finding the perfect words.
It's about being willing to recognize when our words have caused harm and choosing to make things better.
You don't have to be a perfect parent.
But you can be a parent who notices, takes ownership, and tries again.
And that's a powerful lesson for your child to carry into the rest of their life.
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Have you ever been in conflict with your child and realized all of a sudden, "Wait a minute, I'm the problem. I caused this"? Like maybe you just had a fight and they started using unkind words with you, and you got really punitive, and then after the fact, you kind of reflect back and you think, "Ooh, like I'm just not thrilled with the entire way I set this up.
[00:00:30] Leah Clionsky: But what do I do now? How do I backtrack in this situation? How do I handle it once I realize, wait a minute, like I am in too deep and I can't stand behind the way that I approached my child here?" Maybe they even behaved poorly in the interaction, but you know that in some ways you actually set them up for that.
[00:00:51] Leah Clionsky: So that is something that can happen to anyone, even child psychologists. So in this week's episode of "The Educated Parent" podcast, I'm going to talk with you about what you can do when you realize that that's happening, how you can walk things back when you realize that you're not actually standing behind your own values as a parent, and how you can use that as a way to teach healthy communication and, um, recovery from conflict, which is part of all relationships.
[00:01:22] Leah Clionsky: So if you've ever been in a moment where you wish you could undo it, that's what this episode of "Educated Parent" is all about
[00:01:33] Leah Clionsky: I feel like you all love to hear about when I mess up as a parent, and I really messed up yesterday, so I thought it would-- I would share it with you. Here is the situation. So my seven-year-old and I were home alone, and I was really frustrated because I had lost my phone somewhere in the house, and I needed it.
[00:01:54] Leah Clionsky: I knew there was an important call or text coming through, but I couldn't find my phone anywhere. If you know me personally, you know that I lose my phone five times a day on average. Like, I really should have a better system. I am constantly losing and refinding my phone throughout the day. But there are moments when I care about it more than other moments, and I was just really annoyed that I couldn't find it.
[00:02:20] Leah Clionsky: My seven-year-old happily, um, painting by herself. So I'm storming around, I'm storming around looking for my phone, and she finishes painting, and I ask her to clean it up. But I don't say to her, "Hey, could you please clean up the paint?" Instead, I snap at her. I'm like, "Clean up the paint. You're all done with that."
[00:02:43] Leah Clionsky: Something like that. Like, my tone of voice and the way I said it is not a way that I would like anybody to talk to me, but I just sort of like bit her head off. And she started doing it, but I started picking at her. So I, like, was looking over and I was correcting, "No. Why would you do that first? That's not the right starting point.
[00:03:04] Leah Clionsky: Like, well, aren't you thinking this through?" I was just kind of like on her case. And after a little bit of doing that, she started getting frustrated with me, and her tone started to sound like my tone. And then I started to get angry because she was being disrespectful. And so, like, I was feeling myself, like, just getting more and more and more frustrated.
[00:03:25] Leah Clionsky: And luckily, I did at some point have a moment of insight, and I thought, "Leah, this is all your fault. You just caused this situation because you were in a bad mood about losing your phone. And sure, maybe you don't love the behavior back, but you could have approached this completely differently. You could have started this off on a whole different note, and it wouldn't be escalating this way."
[00:03:58] Leah Clionsky: And, and this is the thing that I was really glad that I noticed, "You can undo this. It doesn't have to continue this way. I have a choice right now. I can double down and I can make this worse, or I can walk it back and do some actual teaching about how we resolve conflict." And luckily, I was able to do that.
[00:04:22] Leah Clionsky: But I do think that this is a pretty common problem for us to run into with kids. Where we just are in our own adult stuff and our behavior affects the way that we're react- that they're reacting. Like, we don't set them up for success because of things that are going on internally with us. And then we get angry with them for not doing things the way that we want them to And I, I think that that is just a common problem, and it's really easy to get into it and then not know how to get out of it.
[00:04:59] Leah Clionsky: So what's the difference between when you realize you have caused a problem based upon your own dysregulation versus when you have set a parenting rule or consequence, and it's totally fair for you to stand behind it? Because the idea of this is not that, like, we should accept all behavior from our kids, that it's okay for them to be rude to us, or that we should back down whenever there's conflict.
[00:05:27] Leah Clionsky: What, what do we do? How do we tell the difference? Well, I could tell in this situation that I was not proud of my parenting here. I did not lay out a direction in a polite tone of voice. I was not following through with an appropriate consequence for not listening, because actually, in fact, she was listening.
[00:05:50] Leah Clionsky: So if I'd walk up to her and I had said, "Hey, like, it's time to clean up this paint stuff. Please put it away," and she had point-blank refused, and then I had calmly initiated a consequence for that behavior, and she hadn't liked it and got mad at me, that would've been fine with me. Like, I could've stood behind that because it would've been a fair request.
[00:06:13] Leah Clionsky: I would've been acting in a calm way, and there have to be consequences for not listening, right? So, like, I would've been okay. I don't feel like it's my job to make my kids happy all the time, and I don't think it's your job to make your kids happ- happy all the time. Or if I'd come in pretty neutrally and she had just been really rude to me, and I got started to get upset about that, we'd had to have a conversation about tone.
[00:06:41] Leah Clionsky: Like, if that had happened, this would be a different situation altogether. You know, there are ways that I could respond to that that could be more or less helpful, but at least that would've been okay. I would've felt comfortable calling her out on this behavior. But in this case, it wasn't those things.
[00:06:59] Leah Clionsky: It was me irritated because I lost my phone. It was me coming in in such a way that most people and most adults would not respond well to. I would not ever wanna be approached the way I was approaching her. And then it was the way I doubled down on her in that moment where she was just trying to do what I told her to do.
[00:07:21] Leah Clionsky: Like, this was a clear, like, it was a me problem. Now, could she have used a better tone of voice? Yeah, but also, I mean, I set her up for it. So do you hear that distinction there? I think this is what makes parenting so nuanced, is being able to tell the difference between setting and holding a boundary, laying out a consequence that you can stand behind, and also knowing when you have created a situation where your child couldn't possibly win So I messed up.
[00:07:55] Leah Clionsky: I created this situation. Luckily, I noticed it. So how do you walk it back when you h- hopefully have the self-awareness in the moment? That's the best time to have it, although most of the time, let's face it, we have it after, where you're like, "Uh, could have handled that differently." What are the actual steps to undoing the situation, the conflict that you created?
[00:08:21] Leah Clionsky: The first thing that you do is you lay out a description of what's going on. So in this case, I said to her, "Look, right now, you and I are just getting frustrated with each other over something very small. I felt irritated with you. Now you're angry with me. We're just kind of escalating together, where we're both saying things to each other, and I don't think either of us even really wants to be fighting.
[00:08:50] Leah Clionsky: So this is not a good situation for us to be in." So I just kinda laid it out, like, "Here's the dynamic of what's happening." Part of why I lay it out so clearly is I want her to see it too, because guess what? Sometimes she's going to be the person creating the conflict. Like, I have to model what's going on, explain it, and help her see it so that she, in her own life, is able to recognize patterns like this, because sometimes she will be the person who initiated and contributed to it.
[00:09:26] Leah Clionsky: But it was like, "Hey, we're in this. We're both mad at each other now. We're both doing things we're not really happy about, and neither of us really wants this to be true. We wanna feel good about each other right now, and we're not." So you can also do this in retrospect. So if you had this argument today, I mean yesterday, and you're coming back to it today, you could say, "You know, yesterday you and I got into an argument where we were just both saying and doing things we didn't feel good about.
[00:09:56] Leah Clionsky: We were both just getting madder and madder, and I just think neither of us really wanted to even be fighting with each other because fighting's not fun, and we made us both feel bad." So it doesn't have to be in the moment. Giving that perspective after the fact can be helpful. So that was the first thing I did.
[00:10:13] Leah Clionsky: The next thing I did is I apologized to her, and I gave her some context. I said, "I couldn't find my phone. It made me really grumpy, and so I, like, started talking to you in a tone of voice that I think caused this entire thing. I'm really sorry for speaking to you that way. That wasn't okay." So I owned the part of it that was really on me.
[00:10:38] Leah Clionsky: And in a lot of cases, your kid will actually apologize to you at that moment. Don't expect it, you're owning it, you know? But a lot of times, like kids then will say, "I shouldn't have talked to you that way either." Right? So you have, you know, if you have a really good relationship, then if you acknowledge your behavior, often then they can acknowledge their behavior as well.
[00:10:58] Leah Clionsky: Although if they don't, leave it alone, right? This isn't an equal apology situation. Honestly, I was driving the whole thing. The person who really needed to take responsibility was me. So first, I described the situation, helped her see the dynamic that was going on. Second, there's the apology. The third part is trying to reset.
[00:11:21] Leah Clionsky: So I said, "This is not working. Can we just start over? Like, do you think we can just have a do-over of this entire conversation where both of us can be calmer? And I will ask you very differently, and we can just move on." And sometimes kids are up for that right in the moment, and sometimes they're like, "No, I'm mad at you."
[00:11:41] Leah Clionsky: And you're like, "Okay, let's take 10 minutes and then give this a do-over." Right? So it's, it's really an ask. Like, "Do you think we can do this? Can we, can we kind of start again?" And that really gives you a place to be able to just start again. You know? You come back and you're like, "All right. Could you please clean these things up?"
[00:12:01] Leah Clionsky: And your child's like, "Okay." You're like, "Wow, this is really nice," and you just move on. And then maybe you need to do some repair. You know, maybe you're gonna, um, play a little bit together or go for a walk together or watch some TV together or tell your child some other good things about themselves. So like it gives you this moment to basically be like, "Eh, let's stop this.
[00:12:22] Leah Clionsky: Let's figure out what's going on. I'm gonna own the responsibility. Let's start over again, and let's re- let's reconnect in some sort of meaningful way." The i-- the goal in life is not to never have conflict. It's to learn how to recover from conflict in healthy ways, and to help our kids learn an actual skill for recovering from conflict.
[00:12:48] Leah Clionsky: And this is part of our job as parents. We can't be perfect all the time. I mean, I would not encourage parents to talk to their children the way I started talking to my daughter. I'm also a human being, and it was really hard that I lost my phone, and I need to work on how I talk to people when I'm that level irritated.
[00:13:07] Leah Clionsky: But this is just part of the human journey. So if now and then you do that, you're not the worst parent in the entire world, and you can work on it, and you can recover from many, many conflicts if you can notice at some point that you played a role in them. So I hope this is not happening to you, but if it is, I hope these strategies really do help you to, to kind of reset and correct things.
[00:13:32] Leah Clionsky: And I hope you have a beautiful week, and I will talk to you again next time.