“No, I Only Want Daddy”: What to Do When You’re Not the Preferred Parent
Have you ever tried to hug your child, play with them, or take them somewhere fun, only to hear:
"No! I want Daddy!"
Or maybe it's:
"Mommy's my favorite. Not you."
Ouch.
There's something uniquely painful about being rejected by your own child. Especially when you're trying so hard to connect with them.
You might feel sad, embarrassed, frustrated, or even jealous of your partner. And if it happens repeatedly, you might start wondering whether you're doing something wrong.
As a child psychologist, I want you to know that having a preferred parent is relatively common during childhood.
But as a human being, I also understand why it hurts.
When your child repeatedly chooses someone else, it can bring up insecurities and feelings of rejection that have very little to do with what's actually happening in the moment.
The good news is that you don't have to compete for your child's affection.
There are practical ways to strengthen your parent-child relationship, improve communication with children, and use positive parenting techniques to build a closer connection over time.
And that's what we're talking about today.
Why Does My Child Prefer the Other Parent?
First, let's establish something important.
It's relatively normal for children to have a preferred parent.
And that preference can change.
A child who only wants Mommy at two years old might become inseparable from Daddy at five. A child who prefers one parent during the preschool years might develop a closer connection with the other parent as they grow.
There isn't necessarily a problem to solve.
In fact, I have a personal story that illustrates this perfectly.
I Was a Daddy's Girl, Too
When I was about two years old, I went through a phase where I wouldn't let my mother kiss me.
I only wanted my dad.
Apparently, this absolutely broke my mother's heart.
She cried about it.
And while I have no memory of this phase, I know that I was very close to my mother at other points in my life.
My preference at two years old didn't define our relationship.
It was a stage.
And that's something I want parents to remember when they're feeling rejected.
Your child's preference today isn't necessarily a prediction of your relationship tomorrow.
Why Kids Develop a Preferred Parent
There are several possible explanations.
They spend more time with one parent.
Children sometimes develop a strong preference for the caregiver who's consistently around.
That person feels familiar and comforting.
They spend less time with one parent.
Interestingly, the opposite can also happen.
If one parent is home all the time and the other is around less frequently, the less available parent may feel especially exciting.
The child might be thrilled when that parent comes home and want all their attention.
They have similar personalities or interests.
Sometimes a parent and child simply enjoy the same things.
Maybe they love the same games.
Maybe they share a sense of humor.
Maybe their personalities naturally complement each other.
They're going through a developmental phase.
Children change.
Their interests, temperaments, and needs evolve.
A parent who feels less connected during one stage may find that the relationship becomes easier during another.
The other parent is genuinely wonderful.
And sometimes, your partner is just delightful.
Maybe they're playful, warm, funny, and easy to be around.
That's not necessarily a criticism of you.
Your child is allowed to love the wonderful things about another caregiver.
None of these explanations automatically means you've failed.
Your Child's Love Isn't a Competition
Here's the perspective I really want parents to understand.
The goal isn't to become your child's favorite.
The goal is to build a warm, secure, loving relationship with them.
Ideally, children have strong relationships with multiple safe caregivers.
That's a good thing.
We don't want our kids to feel that loving one parent means loving the other less.
And we certainly don't want them to feel responsible for managing our feelings about their preferences.
But that's easier said than done.
Why Being the Non-Preferred Parent Hurts
When your child says they don't want you, it can feel intensely personal.
You might think:
I'm the one who handles all the difficult stuff.
I'm the one who makes dinner, schedules appointments, and gets everyone ready.
Why does my child only want the other parent?
Or maybe you start comparing yourself to your partner.
They're more fun.
They're more patient.
My child likes them better.
Those feelings are understandable.
But they're not necessarily an accurate reflection of your child's attachment to you.
And when we let those feelings drive our responses, we risk making the relationship more complicated.
Your child doesn't need you to win their affection.
They need you to keep showing up as a safe, loving adult.
What If Your Child's Rejection Feels Especially Harsh?
Sometimes children express their preferences in ways that really sting.
"I don't love you as much."
"You're not my favorite."
"I only want Mommy."
And sometimes parents are dealing with an even more upsetting situation, such as when a child says I hate you during an argument.
That last example is different from the parental preference discussed in this episode, but it can trigger similar feelings of rejection.
It's important not to treat every painful statement as a permanent judgment about your relationship.
Children don't always have the language or emotional maturity to communicate exactly what they're feeling.
A preference in one moment doesn't necessarily tell you everything about their attachment to you.
And a hurtful statement doesn't automatically mean your relationship is damaged.
Instead of focusing on winning back their approval immediately, think about the relationship you're building over time.
That brings us to three strategies that can help.
Strategy 1: Take an Honest Look at Your Own Behavior
This first strategy requires some vulnerability.
And I want to be careful about how I explain it.
Sometimes your child prefers the other parent for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
You might be doing everything reasonably well.
You might be warm, loving, engaged, and responsive.
And your child might still prefer Daddy right now.
But sometimes there are things we're doing that interfere with our connection.
If that's happening, recognizing it gives us an opportunity to make changes.
Ask Yourself Some Difficult Questions
Consider whether there are patterns in your interactions that might be affecting the relationship.
For example:
Am I always the disciplinarian?
Do I get frustrated or angry unpredictably?
Am I willing to play the games my child enjoys?
Do I insist on doing things my way?
Do I tease my child about things they don't actually find funny?
Does my child seem unsure about how I'll react?
These questions aren't meant to make you feel guilty.
They're meant to help you identify things you can control.
Sometimes Our Attempts at Connection Miss the Mark
Let's say your child loves playing with stuffed animals.
You think it's hilarious to make the stuffed animals talk in silly voices.
But your child hates it.
They've told you repeatedly that they don't want you to do that.
And you keep doing it because you think it's funny.
That may seem like a small thing.
But from your child's perspective, you're repeatedly ignoring their preferences.
If you want to connect with them, you may need to stop doing the thing they dislike.
Even if you think it's harmless.
This is one of those positive parenting techniques that requires us to put aside our own preferences and pay attention to what our children are communicating.
Ask the Other Parent for Feedback
If you have a good relationship with your partner and can receive feedback without becoming defensive, consider asking for their perspective.
You might say:
"Do you notice anything I'm doing that makes it harder for our child to connect with me?"
Or:
"Is there something you're doing that's working really well that I could try?"
That can be an uncomfortable conversation.
But sometimes another caregiver sees patterns that are difficult for us to recognize.
Maybe they notice that you're often distracted during play.
Maybe they see that you correct your child frequently.
Or maybe they reassure you that they don't see a problem at all.
The point isn't to copy your partner's personality.
It's to be open to learning something about your relationship with your child.
Strategy 2: Connect With Your Child on Their Terms
This is one of my favorite strategies because it's both simple and practical.
If you want to spend more time with your child, make that time appealing to them.
And I don't mean bribing them.
I mean genuinely taking an interest in what they enjoy.
Enter Their World
Let's say your child loves cats.
They love cat toys, cat books, cat games, and anything involving kittens.
You might not be particularly interested in cats.
But you can learn about the things they love.
You can sit down and play with their cat toys.
You can ask them to teach you about their favorite characters.
You can let them lead the game.
Or maybe your child loves making ice cream sundaes.
You could create a weekly tradition where the two of you make sundaes together.
Maybe you take them to get a special treat occasionally.
Maybe you play their favorite board game.
Maybe you listen to the music your teenager loves.
The specific activity matters less than the message you're sending:
I care about what matters to you.
Make One-on-One Time Easier
Here's another practical suggestion.
When possible, arrange some time when the preferred parent isn't available.
Not as a punishment.
Not to force your child to choose you.
But to create an opportunity for the two of you to connect without constantly comparing caregivers.
If Daddy is home, your child might keep asking for Daddy.
But if Daddy is out running errands and you're making ice cream sundaes together, there's no competition happening.
You're simply spending time together.
And hopefully, that time becomes enjoyable.
Don't Try to Buy Their Affection
There's an important distinction between building connection through enjoyable activities and trying to bribe your child into liking you.
You don't want the message to be:
"If you spend time with me, I'll buy you toys."
Instead, think:
"I want to understand what you enjoy, and I want to share that experience with you."
Maybe that means learning a video game you don't understand.
Maybe it means listening to music you wouldn't choose.
Maybe it means playing pretend in a way that feels completely ridiculous.
You don't have to love every activity.
But showing genuine interest can help your child feel seen and understood.
And that's an important part of strengthening your parent-child relationship.
Strategy 3: Be Patient and Think Long-Term
This is the part that can be especially difficult.
You might start making changes.
You might spend more one-on-one time with your child.
You might become more thoughtful about how you play together.
And then, after a wonderful afternoon, your child might still say:
"I want Daddy."
Ouch. Again.
But here's what I don't want you to do.
Don't say:
"After everything I did for you, you still want Daddy?"
Don't tell them you're giving up.
Don't make them feel guilty for their preference.
Because the goal was never to win a competition.
The goal was to build a relationship.
Connection Is a Long Game
Think about building a stronger relationship the way you'd think about building physical strength.
If you start lifting weights, you don't expect to have completely transformed your body after two workouts.
You understand that progress takes consistency.
You keep showing up.
You keep practicing.
And over time, things change.
Relationships work similarly.
One fun afternoon isn't necessarily going to reverse months or years of a particular family dynamic.
But consistent, positive experiences can help build connection.
Your child needs opportunities to experience you as someone who understands them, enjoys them, and wants to spend time with them.
And those experiences accumulate.
Don't Make Your Child Responsible for Your Feelings
This is especially important.
If your child knows you're deeply hurt by their preference, they may begin to feel responsible for protecting your emotions.
They might worry about saying they want the other parent.
They might feel guilty for enjoying time with one caregiver.
Or they might feel pressured to reassure you.
That's not a burden we want children carrying.
You can acknowledge their preference without making it about your worth as a parent.
For example:
"I know you really want Daddy right now. He's not available, but I'd love to play with you."
Or:
"You wish Mommy were here. I understand. We can still have some fun together."
You're recognizing their feelings while remaining available for connection.
What About When a Child Says Something Hurtful?
Let's return to those especially painful moments.
Maybe your child says they love the other parent more.
Maybe they refuse to let you hug them.
Or perhaps you're also navigating situations where a child says I hate you when they're upset.
These experiences can make parents feel rejected, but the most helpful response usually isn't to demand reassurance.
You don't need to ask:
"Why don't you love me?"
And you don't need to convince your child that you're just as good as the other parent.
Instead, consider what their words might be communicating.
Are they asking for a familiar caregiver?
Are they upset about a transition?
Are they expressing a preference for a particular activity?
Or is there something about your interactions that needs attention?
The answer may be different depending on the situation.
The key is to remain curious rather than immediately defensive.
That kind of thoughtful communication with children helps create space for connection without turning their feelings into a contest.
When Should You Seek Professional Support?
Sometimes these strategies are enough.
Your child goes through a phase of preferring the other parent.
You make an effort to connect.
You stay patient.
And gradually, the relationship becomes easier.
But sometimes the disconnection feels more significant.
Maybe your child consistently refuses to spend time with you.
Maybe you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells around each other.
Maybe the relationship has become a source of distress for you, your child, or the entire family.
That's when professional support can be helpful.
Parent-Child Interaction Therapy for Younger Children
At Thriving Child Center, we work with families experiencing these kinds of challenges.
For children approximately ages two through eight, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, or PCIT, can be particularly helpful.
PCIT involves coaching parents during interactions with their children.
Instead of only discussing what happened afterward, a trained therapist can observe the interaction and help the parent make adjustments in real time.
That can be especially valuable when you're struggling to understand why connection feels difficult.
I've worked with children who initially refused to have one parent in the room.
They only wanted the other parent.
But through therapeutic work, I've seen those relationships change.
Children who once resisted spending time with a caregiver began looking forward to their special time together.
That kind of progress is possible.
Family Therapy for Older Children and Teens
With older children and teenagers, the challenges may look different.
Sometimes parents believe their teenagers don't want anything to do with them.
They feel rejected and start withdrawing.
But here's something I've noticed in my clinical work.
Teenagers often tell me privately how much they want to spend time with their parents.
And frequently, their parents have no idea.
The teenager hasn't communicated that desire in a way the parent can recognize.
Meanwhile, the parent interprets their behavior as rejection.
Both people want connection, but they're missing each other.
Family therapy can help uncover those misunderstandings.
It can also help identify whether something else, such as depression, is contributing to a teenager's withdrawal.
The point is that persistent disconnection doesn't have to be something your family navigates alone.
How to Strengthen Your Connection This Week
If you're feeling like the non-preferred parent, I don't want you to leave this article thinking you need to completely reinvent yourself.
You don't.
Start with something small.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Notice one interaction you could handle differently.
Maybe you correct your child too often during play.
Maybe you get distracted by your phone.
Maybe you insist on choosing the activity.
Pick one thing to work on.
2. Learn something about your child's current interests.
Ask about their favorite game, character, song, or activity.
Then show genuine interest.
3. Create a little one-on-one time.
It doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate.
Even a short, enjoyable activity can create an opportunity for connection.
4. Let your child lead sometimes.
You don't always need to direct the game or decide how things should happen.
Follow their ideas.
5. Keep showing up without demanding results.
If they still ask for the other parent, don't treat that as proof that your efforts failed.
Remember that you're building something over time.
These are practical ways to invest in your relationship without making your child responsible for whether you feel successful.
The Goal Isn't to Become the Favorite Parent
I want to leave you with one final thought.
Your child's preference for another parent doesn't automatically mean you're doing something wrong.
It doesn't mean they don't love you.
And it doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful relationship with them.
Sometimes it's a phase.
Sometimes it's a personality difference.
Sometimes there are things we can change about how we connect.
And sometimes we need extra support to understand what's happening.
But none of those possibilities means you need to compete for your child's love.
If you're feeling hurt because you're not the preferred parent, try to shift your attention away from being chosen and toward being connected.
That's where the real work happens.
By using positive parenting techniques, making space for honest communication with children, and consistently investing in your parent-child relationship, you can build a bond that matters far beyond this particular stage.
And if you're dealing with a moment when a child says I hate you, or tells you they only want the other parent, remember that painful words don't have to define the future of your relationship.
Your child may not choose you for every hug, every game, or every bedtime.
But you can still be a safe, loving, dependable person in their life.
And that's far more important than being the favorite.
LET'S CONNECT:
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Have you ever been in a situation where you're trying to connect with your child or play with them or take them somewhere and they're saying, "No, I want mommy," or, "I just want daddy, I don't want you"? Or maybe it's even more brutal than that. Maybe they look at you and say, "I love daddy more than I love you," or, "Mommy's my favorite, not you."
[00:00:25] Leah Clionsky: You're getting this feedback, basically, this very clear driven feedback, you are not the preferred parent, or at least you are not the preferred parent today in this moment. And it's brutal to receive that feedback when, especially if it's happened multiple times, especially if you see a pattern and you're like, "Ugh, they really, really, really connect to their dad more than me."
[00:00:49] Leah Clionsky: And it, it hurts your ego. It makes us feel sad. It makes us feel rejected. It can bring up kind of like old, old wounds or old other feelings of rejection. So in today's episode of Educated Parent, I'm gonna talk with you about what to do if you're hearing this feedback a lot, if your child is communicating to you, "You're not it, and the other parent, , is the one that I really wanna spend time with."
[00:01:14] Leah Clionsky: What can you actually do about it, and what are some strategies to help you form a closer relationship? So I hope this is helpful to you, and, , let's get into it.
[00:01:28] Leah Clionsky: So the first thing I wanna tell you As that it is relatively normal for kids to have a preferred parent, at least at different stages. Sometimes the person they prefer at one age or at one stage is not the person that they prefer at another age or stage. In my family, I famously went through a phase when I was about two years old where I would not let my mom kiss me.
[00:01:53] Leah Clionsky: I did not want her to kiss me, I only wanted my dad. And apparently, this broke her heart, and she cried a lot about it. I don't remember this. , I was always very close to my mom at other times. But like, you know, apparently at two, I was a daddy's girl only. And this, this is-- this happens, you know? And this can happen for lots of reasons where there's no-- like, no one's doing anything wrong.
[00:02:17] Leah Clionsky: It could just be that your child is attaching to the person they spend the most time with. , And that person's there, and you've been busy, and you're just around less often, so they're really connected. Or maybe they're connecting to the person that they don't see as often. Like, you're old hat, you're there all the time, and they're like, "Ooh, this person is unique and different.
[00:02:37] Leah Clionsky: I'm gonna really attach to them." , Sometimes it has to do with just personality. you-- Like you get them, and they get you, and you're just vibing. You know, you like the same kinds of things, and maybe, , if there's a second parent involved, they're not as interested in that. , Sometimes it has to do with temperament.
[00:02:56] Leah Clionsky: Sometimes it's no shade on you. Sometimes your partner is just delightful. Like you're like, "Of course they like hanging out with my partner. Everyone likes my partner. I g-- I'm with them for that reason. I think they're wonderful too." So it's not that there's anything wrong about what you're doing, but there's a lot of things that are really amazing about what your partner does.
[00:03:16] Leah Clionsky: So you know, there's lots of different phases of this and times where maybe a young child is really connected with one parent, but then later on, a new part of their personality comes out, and they're very connected with another. So this is very common in development. However, the important thing is that you wanna make sure that you always have a relationship with your child, even if in this moment they're, they're not into you.
[00:03:45] Leah Clionsky: Because your relationship, your bond with them is also important. And this is where I think the, um, ego of being a parent is something we just have to take out of it, where there's no contest. Ideally, you want your child having secure, warm attachment with as many safe caregivers as possible, and there's no winning or losing in terms of that.
[00:04:10] Leah Clionsky: So the goal is for you to be connected to them, not for you to try to win a parenting contest and become the quote-unquote favorite. But it is, it is hard to get that, that critical feedback from your child, especially if you're feeling a little bit vulnerable So let's talk about what you can actually do about this if you're starting to feel like, "Oh, I don't feel as connected," or, "My child is telling me in no uncertain terms that they prefer the other parent more than they prefer me."
[00:04:43] Leah Clionsky: So this first one is really nuanced. So as you heard me say, there are many reasons that could have nothing to do with what we're doing for a child to really be attached to someone else, and sometimes there's something that we're doing that is problematic and getting in the way of the relationship, and we are gonna either need to work through it or change it a little bit.
[00:05:08] Leah Clionsky: So this is where you have to be a little vulnerable, a little self-reflective, and think, "Is there something I am doing that is potentially hurting my relationship with this child? Am I always the disciplinarian? Am I n- unwilling to play with them the way that they wanna be played with? Am I like, 'No, we do it this way, and if you don't wanna play this way, I'm not gonna play with you'?
[00:05:35] Leah Clionsky: Do I get really angry out of the blue? You know, am I a little bit hard to predict? Am I fun sometimes, but then I get stressed out and I'm really dysregulated, so my child's like a little bit wary around me? Is there a real thing I could be doing? Am I doing something consistently that's causing a problem?
[00:05:54] Leah Clionsky: For example, am I teasing them and like I think I'm being funny, but my child thinks this is not funny and has given me this feedback, but I keep persisting? So like is there something that I could be doing that I could change that would make my relationship with my child closer? Is there some barrier that I've put up that I need to adjust in my own framework for connecting with this child?
[00:06:24] Leah Clionsky: And like that's uncomfortable to think about and that doesn't necessarily exist, but if you're noticing you're not connecting, the more honest you can be with yourself about that and the more introspective you can be with yourself about that, the better an outcome you will have. Because if it's something you're doing, you can fix it.
[00:06:44] Leah Clionsky: Like if you are like teasing them too much, like you're like, "Oh, I always like to make the voice for their stuffed animals, and they hate it, and I think it's so funny," and they really hate it, stop. Don't do that anymore. You know, if you have, , a good relationship with the preferred parent and you feel like, you know, they can give you feedback in a way that's gentle, it could be worth also just asking for some outside viewpoints.
[00:07:08] Leah Clionsky: I mean, this would take some real vulnerability, but it's really saying, "Hey, do you see something that I am doing that's interfering , with my relationship with our child? Or is there something that you're doing that's really working that I could try?" So like it may be really obvious to that other parent where it's like, "Yeah, well, you know, you're consistently doing this."
[00:07:32] Leah Clionsky: And you're like, "Oh yeah. Okay, I can work on that." So I think this is hard and I'm really trying to walk the line where I'm like you could be doing everything, quote unquote, "right" and your partner is magical, or there could be some things you could change, or it could be a combination where you're gonna have to go outside the comfort zone of your personality a little bit to connect and form a close relationship with your child.
[00:07:55] Leah Clionsky: So number one, like do some real honest detective work. Really ask yourself if there's something that you wanna do differently in your approach The second thing that is really helpful is to think about how to connect with your child in a co- in a way where you're working with their interests or their likes.
[00:08:17] Leah Clionsky: So if you're in a really good place with your child, you could probably ask them to do boring things with you that they don't like, and they'd go along with it. But if you're in a less secure place, what you really wanna do is make hanging out with you very attractive. So maybe you make sure that you have learned all about the kitties that they love, and what you do is you play with them using the kitty toys that they're really interested in.
[00:08:43] Leah Clionsky: Maybe once a week you take them out to ice cream. And when you set these things up, you want yourself to be the only option. You want the preferred parent ideally to not even be in the house so that you are the only one that they can hang out with, so that they're not making a choice, "Is it between me and someone else?"
[00:09:01] Leah Clionsky: It's like you're the person, and you're the one who's, like, making ice cream sundaes. You're the person who's taking them to Starbucks. You're the person who's initiating their favorite game. And this isn't about, like, trying to buy their favor, right? So, like, or bribe them into liking you. But if you think about it, if you don't feel that close to somebody and they start doing things that you really enjoy, you're gonna wanna be around them a little bit more often.
[00:09:32] Leah Clionsky: So it's not like, "Hang out with me and I'll buy you toys." It's way more nuanced again than that. It's like, "I'm going to put out things that you like. I'm going to join with you according to your interests. I'm... You know, if you are a teenager and you love this music, I'm gonna listen to the music you like."
[00:09:50] Leah Clionsky: So it's a lot about taking out what you're, what you want and building a relationship on their terms and, and working on this over time. The third part of this is that you're gonna need to be really patient. You're gonna need to see this not as a contest, but as a relationship that you are building and enhancing over time, and you wanna make sure that you're not guilt-tripping them.
[00:10:17] Leah Clionsky: So it's not like, "Well, I hang out with you five times," and then they say, "I want daddy." And you say, "What? I thought you would like me now, but I guess I just give up." Right? Like you don't wanna do that, right? Like this is a long game. This is building a relationship for life. And the goal, again, is not to suddenly become their preferred parent.
[00:10:37] Leah Clionsky: You're not trying to win anything. You're just trying to f- help them feel more connected to you as you build this lifelong relationship, which is what is ultimately good for them, to connect with a loving caregiver that is a safe person who wishes them well, and to put that ego aside over and over and over again, which is so incredibly hard in the service of building this relationship.
[00:11:08] Leah Clionsky: So again, the three steps are, number one, reflect on your own behavior and see if there's something you could change, and be real about it. Number two, connect with them according to their interests. And the third thing is to expect it to be a long game, and it's just something you're consistently working on on a regular basis, like working out.
[00:11:29] Leah Clionsky: You know, if you're lifting weights, you don't lift weights and the second time you're like, "Well, where, where is my six-pack? I give up on this." Right? This is a commitment you're making to your health. This is a long game. It might be humbling. You might not get where you wanna go for a while, but you're dedicating that time and putting that in slowly Now, if you have been trying this and it's not working, or you're feeling really, really, really disconnected from your child, this is where therapy can be really helpful for you.
[00:12:00] Leah Clionsky: This is where you should reach out to us at Thriving Child Center and PCIT experts. We have worked with so many little kids ages two through eight in PCIT in these kinds of situations, building relationships with parents and with non-preferred parents. I've seen kids going from, "I don't want mommy in the room," and I'm losing it, to asking for mommy or the reverse.
[00:12:27] Leah Clionsky: You know, where they like, "Oh no, I want nothing to do with Daddy. I don't wanna play with him. I only want Mommy," until they're like, "I want Daddy's special time. I want to spend time with him." So there is a lot of really specialized change you can make, but that's where having another person who's trained in these kinds of attachment relationships can come in and help really change the interaction between the two of you.
[00:12:50] Leah Clionsky: That's why in PCIT we do that coaching in the moment where we can understand what's going on, and we can be there in that moment to help tweak things so that the relationship improves. We can also help you in family therapy if you're dealing with older kids. We can get more of their feedback. We can figure out a little bit more about what could be interfering, and then working on ways of building those relationships or also working on communication.
[00:13:17] Leah Clionsky: One thing that's always fascinating to me about teenagers is that in confidence, they always tell me how much they really wanna spend time with their parents, and they almost always have not shared that with their parent, or at least not shared that with their parent in a way that their parent can actually hear.
[00:13:32] Leah Clionsky: So the parent feels rejected and withdraws, and the teen just wants connection. And again, this is where therapy really helps with these kinds of communication problems and can help you work on your end, what could you be doing? And there can also be someone working with your teenager to figure out if the problem is really within the relationship or if it's something else entirely and they're withdrawn because they are, for example, feeling depressed.
[00:13:56] Leah Clionsky: So, you know, if this is really persisting, if it's causing you a lot of distress, causing your child distress, or creating a harsh dynamic in your family, again, this is where we could help you therapeutically. But these strategies that I just laid out, if you're dealing with a little bit of minor, you know, "I only want mommy, I only want daddy, I only-- I don't want you.
[00:14:17] Leah Clionsky: You're not, you know, you don't give the best hugs." Ah, it breaks your heart, but you can work through it. You can be, you can form a great, kind, connected relationship with your child, and it's not a contest. There are no winners or losers in this game. So I hope this is helpful to you. It hurts when you're not the favorite of the moment, , but it doesn't mean that there's nothing you can do, and it doesn't mean that you can't have a wonderful relationship with your child moving forward.
[00:14:47] Leah Clionsky: And also, they might not mean it. It might just be that you didn't buy them the ice cream cone today. So have a great week, , and I will talk to you next time.