What to Do When Your Kid Says, “I’m Bored” (With Rachel Currie-Rubin and Cassandra Golding)
What to Do When Your Kid Says “I’m Bored” (Without Losing Your Mind)
If your child walks up to you and says, “I’m bored,” and immediately expects you to fix it… you’re not alone.
This is one of the most common parenting moments, and it can feel surprisingly frustrating.
You’ve bought the toys.
You’ve set up the playroom.
You’ve created opportunities.
And still… “I’m bored.”
So let’s talk about what to do when kids are bored in a way that actually works and doesn’t turn you into the full-time entertainment director.
Why Boredom Isn’t Actually a Problem
It feels like a problem.
But it’s not.
Boredom is actually a starting point.
When kids experience boredom, their brains initially go to discomfort. That’s normal. But if they are allowed to sit in that moment, something really important happens.
They begin to activate creativity.
They start to build independent play skills.
This is why using positive parenting techniques in this moment matters so much. Because your response determines whether boredom becomes growth or dependency.
The Mistake Most Parents Make
Most of us jump in too quickly.
We suggest activities.
We solve the problem.
We entertain.
And it makes sense. We want to help.
But when we constantly step in, we unintentionally prevent kids from developing independent play.
Instead of learning what to do when kids are bored, they learn that you will always figure it out for them.
What to Say Instead
When your child says, “I’m bored,” try this:
Pause.
Then respond with something simple like:
“I wonder what you’re going to come up with.”
This is one of the simplest positive parenting techniques, and it does something powerful.
It shifts the responsibility back to your child.
It also communicates confidence in their ability to figure it out.
Validate Without Taking Over
You can also acknowledge the feeling without solving it.
“Yeah, that makes sense. We had a really fun day, and now things feel slower.”
This is key when thinking about what to do when kids are bored.
You are connecting with your child without stepping into the role of entertainer.
That balance is what builds independent play over time.
Use “Boredom Boxes” for Easy Wins
One of the most effective tools for bored kids activities is a simple “boredom box.”
This is a small collection of:
Art supplies
Simple games
Creative materials
The key is that these are not fully structured activities.
They are open-ended, which encourages independent play.
Even better, create the box with your child so they feel invested.
This is one of those positive parenting techniques that sets you up for success before the moment even happens.
When Kids Need a Little Help Getting Started
Some kids struggle more with getting started.
That’s where light support comes in.
You might say:
“Do you feel like making something or moving your body?”
This kind of scaffolding helps without taking over.
It supports independent play while still guiding them toward bored kids activities that feel manageable.
When “I’m Bored” Means Something Else
Sometimes boredom is not really about boredom.
It might mean:
“I want connection”
“I’m tired”
“I want screen time”
Part of what to do when kids are bored is figuring out what’s underneath it.
You can ask:
“Are you looking for something to do, or do you want to spend a few minutes together?”
This is where positive parenting techniques really shine.
You are responding to the need, not just the words.
Why Independent Play Matters So Much
Developing independent play is not just about giving parents a break.
It builds:
Creativity
Problem-solving
Emotional tolerance
When kids learn to move through boredom, they become more capable and confident.
And that starts with how you respond in those small, everyday moments of “I’m bored.”
Final Thoughts
If your child says “I’m bored” today, you don’t need to panic.
You don’t need to entertain.
You don’t need to solve it.
Instead, focus on what to do when kids are bored in a way that builds skills.
Use positive parenting techniques, offer simple bored kids activities, and support the development of independent play.
Because boredom is not the problem.
It’s the beginning of something really important.
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: We have all been there. Your child comes in and says the dreaded words to you. Mommy, I'm bored. Usually it's a wine and they expect you to solve their problem right then. And maybe you don't know what to do about it. So our goal is to tell you what to do about it tonight. Welcome to the Educated Parent Podcast.
[00:00:22] Leah Clionsky: I am so excited about my amazing guest today, Rachel Curry Rubin and Cassandra Golding, because they are here to help us solve this problem about what to do when kids come in and have this concern. So I'm gonna let them both introduce themselves and then we'll just get into it for you.
[00:00:42] Cassandra Golding: I'm Cassandra Golding. I am a clinical psychologist and I am a clinical director and a co-owner of Lorien Solutions, which is a multidisciplinary assessment practice in Western Massachusetts.
[00:00:53] Rachel Currie-Rubin: And I'm Rachel Curry Rubin. I am an educational specialist and I work with Cassandra Golding at Learning Solutions.
[00:01:04] Leah Clionsky: And we have all heard about kids who are bored and experienced the stress of being on the receiving end of those comments.
[00:01:11] Cassandra Golding: Absolutely. And we each have three kids. I have six-year-old twins and a 12-year-old. I think what I hear all the time is, "There's nothing to do. " Or you make suggestions, , "They'll take forever."
[00:01:26] Leah Clionsky: As you look around, right, at all the birthday presents and toys you've accumulated over the
[00:01:31] Cassandra Golding: Carefully curated, yes. Collections of puzzles and art things and toys and go outsides. I mean, our yard is, like, covered with kid stuff, but that's not really the problem in that moment, is it?
[00:01:47] Leah Clionsky: no. I think about how I have a beautiful playroom that has this pretend kitchen that I put so much effort into getting all of the Melissa and Doug food for, and I'm like, "How are you bored?
[00:01:58] Leah Clionsky: You can make any pretend meal you could ever want. " Rachel, what's your
[00:02:03] Leah Clionsky: reaction?
[00:02:04] Rachel Currie-Rubin: we had a Calico cat situation where they wanted all the Calico, I think that's what they're called, now that I'm saying that out loud, but all of these cats and all of the things, and they maybe used it one time and then they would say, "What do I do with this? I don't want this. I want something different.
[00:02:22] Rachel Currie-Rubin: My kids are now older, so I don't quite hear that wine so much anymore." Which is
[00:02:26] Leah Clionsky: It feels like so much pressure, doesn't it? It's basically saying, "You solved this problem for me. You entertain me mom or dad. I wanna follow your lead and not take responsibility," right? Yeah.
[00:02:42] Cassandra Golding: Yeah, absolutely. It's really not a problem. It feels like a problem because of exactly that. That it feels like something we wanna solve for them. , And it's hard. It's uncomfortable to see your kid uncomfortable. , But Borm actually isn't a problem. It's actually a developmental opportunity.
[00:02:58] Cassandra Golding: , And we'd love to give you all some steps, to follow in those moments to keep yourself sane, , and help move your kids through that and to use it, , and really use it as an opportunity.
[00:03:11] Leah Clionsky: I love that reframe that it's an opportunity. Can you say more about why it's an opportunity instead of a problem that makes us all anxious in the moment?
[00:03:21] Rachel Currie-Rubin: Yeah, so a colleague of mine used, a long time ago, used the word probletunity, and that is exactly what boredom is because what boredom does to our brains is it right away activates the negative parts, the negative feelings in our brain. But if we allow ourselves to sit with boredom just a little bit, then it starts activating the parts of our brain that are the creative parts, that are the planful parts, that are the goal-oriented parts.
[00:03:55] Rachel Currie-Rubin: And so this negative, , this unfortunate problem becomes an opportunity if we cultivate it in the right way.
[00:04:04] Leah Clionsky: Right. And then we live in a culture that's like, "Oh, if I'm bored, I must immediately be on a screen. If my child's bored, like I must entertain them with this screen. It's very stimulating."
[00:04:15] Cassandra Golding: Totally.
[00:04:16] Leah Clionsky: when my kids say I'm bored, usually the next thing they say is, "Can I watch TV?" So sometimes it's like a lead-in to ask for the higher stimulation, , and it feels like that kind of pressure there, and it's hard to just sit with it, don't you think?
[00:04:31] Rachel Currie-Rubin: Yeah. One of the things that boredom actually , is the pause between the meaningful events in our life. And so what your kids are doing in that moment is saying like, "I want the next fun thing. I want you to provide me that next fun thing, , even more than just I want it. I want you to tell me what it will be.
[00:04:50] Rachel Currie-Rubin: So much.
[00:07:04] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. And I'm reading it to my seven-year-old right now to kind of give her this idea of, like, what life was like hundreds of years ago. And they're, like, for Christmas, all they're getting is, , two tin cups and a penny, and they're like, "We played with our Christmas presents all day long.
[00:07:21] Leah Clionsky: It's just 10 cups." And she, like, what she'll say is, "Aren't they bored?" So it's really interesting, like that, at that time, right, those kids were not bored, but, like, my daughter looking at this situation is like, "Where's the toys?" Right? They're, like, literally just stuck in this cabin with no central heating, playing with tin cups for all of Christmas, and I think this is wonderful.
[00:07:44] Leah Clionsky: And so expectations around entertainment really changed a lot and changed from child to child. And, It's really interesting to think about.
[00:07:53] Rachel Currie-Rubin: Yeah, and it's really hard as a parent. I think about this a lot. Like I often say to my kids, "What are you doing right now?" And I can hear in myself that's asking them to always have a goal, always have a plan. And sometimes they don't have one and, I need to learn to be more fine with that. , And so not always asking like, "What's the end goal?"
[00:08:14] Rachel Currie-Rubin: But rather, "What's up right now?" Is maybe a better question that I should be asking.
[00:08:20] Leah Clionsky: So you even find yourself wanting to, like, like s- asking a question in such a way that it makes it sound like productivity should be happening or, like, a clear plan instead of inviting this idea that you could just be hanging out and being
[00:08:32] Rachel Currie-Rubin: Totally. Totally. And that also probably invites them to say, "Well, what do you think I should do? " Rather than me just letting them come up with a plan themselves.
[00:08:45] Leah Clionsky: It takes some trust, right, in a child to allow them to be bored. You also have to trust that they're gonna choose something to do that's not, like, super problematic.
[00:08:55] Cassandra Golding: Yeah. A- and with a little preparation, you can have that set up, to, do your future self, , a solid, , and set up a couple things, , ahead of time in collaboration with your child so that's ready to go. What's important is that those things are not, , already fully formed, but that they're open for their creativity to come in, and that way you're still building the skills too, even if they need a little scaffolding to help them along.
[00:09:24] Leah Clionsky: This sounds like a great lead-in to the first strategy for helping our kids deal with boredom. Do you wanna, , elaborate on that even more?
[00:09:33] Cassandra Golding: Sure. Well, I'm getting a little ahead of myself, , in the very first thing that we've already sort of talked about is not to jump in, right? To let 10, 30 seconds, , and that part really matters because that is what's setting the tone of, this isn't my problem to solve, this is a situation that we can think together at first, and then you can implement, right?
[00:09:57] Cassandra Golding: And so saying, something responding along the lines of, "Hmm, you know, I wonder what you might come up with. " Or sometimes it takes a few minutes for our brains to find something interesting, right? But
[00:10:10] Leah Clionsky: scripting. So your child comes up and they say, "I'm bored," and you say, "Oh, I wonder what you're going to come up with. " So you kind of just, like, lightly put the explanation back on them or the expectation back on them.
[00:10:22] Cassandra Golding: absolutely. , And also if it comes to you, naturally that, that makes sense, saying that, like, that makes sense. We just had a really fun day, and now it kind of seems like it's not so exciting, right? And immediately, especially if you're in the pattern, as a lot of parents are, of that board sparking tension and actually becoming a power struggle, right?
[00:10:47] Cassandra Golding: Because now they're trying to get you to do something that you don't wanna do, and you need to do dinner, you need to do unpacking whatever it is, right? And you both walk away from that frustrated and the kid feeling disconnected from you. And so by not jumping and solving and instead validating, you come right around to other side of the table and join them and say, "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
[00:11:11] Cassandra Golding: We had so much fun today, didn't we? " And now it feels like things are a little calmer, right? Or something like, "Yeah, that can feel kind of uncomfortable."
[00:11:21] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. I like, I love this. It's just, like, let's just acknowledge what it's like for you to feel the feeling of boredom. I also find too, at least in myself and, and other parents I talk to, that sometimes there's almost, , this defensive, like, irritability. Like, I have given ... Kind of how we started off, I had given you so many activities, how dare you come to me with this problem when I've already solved it for you.
[00:11:44] Leah Clionsky: So it almost feels like an attack sometimes when kids say they're bored. We can perceive it as, like, I failed to entertain you adequately, so now I'm angry with you.
[00:11:53] Cassandra Golding: A lot of us put a lot of thought into the gifts and the materials we do get our kids, right? So it does feel a bit of like a slap in the face. It's like, "Are you kidding me? " Like, I thought long and hard because I thought, "Oh, great. This is , the best, kit because it gets, they're gonna be independent, they're gonna learn these skills, this is gonna get me a half hour, , easy, and then a backfire."
[00:12:14] Cassandra Golding: So now you're like mad at the kid, you're also mad at yourself. , There goes my plan, right? So it's like all kinds of underlying frustration we may not even realize in that moment.
[00:12:22] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. I love the neutral response. I love the, like, "Oh, I wonder how you're gonna solve this problem," or, "Oh, I can see why you might feel a little bit bored if we were doing lots of exciting things and now things are calmer."
[00:12:35] Cassandra Golding: Yeah, and,
[00:12:35] Leah Clionsky: that non-reaction, that really calm reaction helps everybody in that moment.
[00:12:40] Cassandra Golding: and if your kids are younger, I can see this backfiring with older kids, but if your kids are younger, getting excited about it too. Be like, "That is great. That means you're on the brink of an amazing idea, right?" Or, "I can't wait to see what you're gonna create." I say, "Half hour, you're gonna have something great," right?
[00:12:58] Cassandra Golding: Like something, especially if you have built a little bit of scaffolding around this, right? So you wanna make sure you set them up for success, everyone knows their own children, right? If you have a kid who runs low perfectionistic, who that's gonna put pressure on them, then avoid that, right?
[00:13:16] Cassandra Golding: So you have to think about how something's gonna land with your specific kid, , but some strategies, are exactly to remain neutral, , non-reactive, don't solve it for them, give them the opportunity, , let them sit in it a little bit and also sometimes get excited, but this is exciting, right?
[00:13:35] Cassandra Golding: Who knows what it'll bring?
[00:13:36] Leah Clionsky: I love that. I love that, that just, , really neutral to excited reaction. I'm not gonna take this on as a problem, basically. I'm not gonna take this on as a problem, and I'm also not gonna shame you for not knowing what to do about it. Yeah.
[00:13:50] Cassandra Golding: A lot of parents get in trouble because in some ways we're like, "Well, just go play. Go, go do the thing," right? And it's a little like, well, they're not prepared to do that though, especially if they're younger, they developmentally, right? This is a developmental opportunity.
[00:14:04] Cassandra Golding: It means that they may not have the skills to organize themselves around that. In that moment, they're in the emotional mind and they're not thinking about, whatever kit they got just yesterday, right? They're not thinking about, "Oh, I could, cravely put all these different things together and, make , some new food thing, or I can do cooking."
[00:14:23] Cassandra Golding: , They're not able to access that in that moment. And so kids, especially the younger, need some light scaffolding.
[00:14:31] Leah Clionsky: So scaffolding, can you explain what scaffolding is?
[00:14:34] Cassandra Golding: Yeah. , Scaffolding is helping in a way that structures, right? So you think of it a- as like scaffolding of a building, right? So it holds people up and allows people to access other parts of the building, , so it acts as , a bridge to help get kids started on something, and then you take the scaffolding away, right?
[00:14:55] Cassandra Golding: And then fly, and then, they're on their own and you slowly back yourself away. And so especially if you're in the pattern of jumping in and doing for your kid, , you might expect some resistance and you need to build this up a little bit. And so they're gonna need some scaffolding to get started and you're really thinking about having a new pattern, a new reaction to this, this feeling, this discomfort of boredom in the name of teaching them to tolerate that feeling.
[00:15:27] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. So for some kids just saying, "Let's , go ahead and go play. You've got plenty of toys. Go figure it out. " Some kids, , they maybe just needed you to say, "Yeah, you gotta go do that, no TV." And they can go do that, it's fine. But then some kids won't know how to get started, and that scaffolding is giving them some way of getting started because they need a little bit of help just to initiate that process at all.
[00:15:51] Cassandra Golding: Exactly. And so that little bit of help might look like, do you think you might wanna make something? Do you wanna move your body? Should you be inside or outside? Or just having one small idea to get them started and letting them take it away. And one of the things, Dr. Kuruba and I were talking about , as we're thinking about this topic is that's really different.
[00:16:11] Cassandra Golding: We have one kid versus multiple kids, two, how you handle this situation. And when there's multiple kids, it's important to allow them, them time to get into, especially imaginative play, they can take up to 45 minutes for kids to do that role negotiation, to figure out what the story arc is, and that's all such important work that they're doing, and really connects to so many great skills we want them to have.
[00:16:37] Cassandra Golding: And so even if it gets a little tense, we wanna let them do that and sort of stay out of it.
[00:16:42] Leah Clionsky: Okay. All right. So what's our second strategy?
[00:16:46] Rachel Currie-Rubin: All right. I'm gonna jump in with this one. So this is one that I used with my own kids' Love to Death. , And this is the idea of having a pre-made, sort of pre-prepared, but lightly stuff to do. So it can be, like, somewhere in your kitchen drawer, it could be, like, in your living room, somewhere where kids can easily access it, and it's a board box.
[00:17:15] Rachel Currie-Rubin: , And so this is a box that has stuff in it that may be not quite done. So sometimes for kids who are kind of like in the , middle ages, it might be just art supplies, or it could be for younger kids, things that don't necessarily need parental support to do, but just are things that kids can kind of get into.
[00:17:38] Rachel Currie-Rubin: A few things, not necessarily a million, and when ... And it's a prepared to do idea. So you have prepared this box often with your child, and then when their child says, "I'm bored," and you've kind of given them that validation and that, "Huh, let's find , some minutes to make your brain interested." This is a box that they can go, they can get it, they can pull it out, and they can create.
[00:18:05] Rachel Currie-Rubin: And the cool thing about this kind of box is that it does exactly what we were saying the propultunity is. It gives them this shift from, , such a negative emotion to, "Oh, like, there's some interesting stuff that I can do in here." And they get to make the goal. They get to decide what they're gonna do with it and which one they're gonna choose, and it does all that good stuff for them, right there.
[00:18:30] Leah Clionsky: What I love about this idea is that the involvement of the kids in it, where you can say to them basically, like, "Hey, sometimes you feel really bored, and it's good for us to have some stuff that you can do, that you like doing, and that you can do on your own for those times. So let's pick out some stuff that you wanna do, " right?
[00:18:49] Leah Clionsky: So you have their initial buy-in, because if you just present it, the reaction be like, "I don't like any of that, " right? Even if they do, even if you're right and no matter what you suggest they're gonna hate, but if they helped pick out those things, they had that investment, they're more likely to be open to it, , when you give them that option.
[00:19:09] Leah Clionsky: And that's something parents can do tonight, is tonight. When you get home, you can take, , a cardboard box or a laundry basket and go around with your kid and pick out, put, like, two or three things that they might be willing to do when they're bored.
[00:19:21] Rachel Currie-Rubin: What, as my kids have gotten slightly older, so my youngest is 10 now, we have started doing that with little words and, and ideas. So she now puts, , wor- like just little slips of paper into a box and she pulls out the slips of paper when she says she's bored now. So all ages can do this.
[00:19:38] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. I wanna do that for myself. I'm never bored though. I'm always doing something, but I feel like that would be fun, if you look at it that way, like, "Oh yeah, here's a project I haven't had a chance to get to. " And then again, it turns it back into that opportunity instead of into, like, a problem that is inherently negative.
[00:19:57] Rachel Currie-Rubin: Well, I love that you just said that it's, that's something you wanna do for yourself because we think about that too. It's a gift for you as a parent because you don't have to come up with the things then. It's really hard when your kid says, "I'm bored." You're like, "Oh, gosh, what should the thing be? " But if it's already in there, then it's already in there.
[00:20:12] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's awesome. And what would the third strategy be?
[00:20:17] Cassandra Golding: So third strategy , is a little bit back to what we were talking about, is thinking about, does this actually mean something else? , And then, if you can make a clear delineation that does, like, that they're tired, that they're overwhelmed, that they need connection, addressing that need, , and you can choose, , then or later to give them some language about that so they can be a little more specific and start teaching them, of like, "Hey, you know, I'm tired," or, "Can we do something together?"
[00:20:45] Cassandra Golding: And that can look like, melding of these other strategies in that you might address some of the connection need in that moment and then they're often running, right? You might start it with them and then let them continue, , doing that independently, , and then you've sort of solved two problems, right, , in one moment.
[00:21:07] Cassandra Golding: , And what's really important about all of this is making sure that you're really, , and reinforcing their effort. And so we're not looking for perfection, we're not looking for them to do the whole thing, but really making sure that we are reinforcing progress for them. , So if they, wanna play a game, for example, but they can't come up with a game that doesn't involve you, then that's great, but you need to make dinner.
[00:21:31] Cassandra Golding: So yes, we can play that game later, help them come up with something else and make sure you play that game. Make sure you get back to that game, put on the calendar, set a timer, whatever you need to do, just to make sure you remember so they get the message, "Oh, when I communicate, when I ask for something, even if it's not right then, it can still happen."
[00:21:53] Cassandra Golding: , Yeah.
[00:21:54] Leah Clionsky: And if you're, if you realize that your child is just finding other ways of asking for screen time and you don't wanna give it, then you just have to stick to your guns right there, right? If I'm bored actually means I want my iPad, if you give the iPad when they say they're bored, then that will be, other language for I want my iPad.
[00:22:12] Leah Clionsky: So if that is not how you are gonna handle the boredom, then you can say if they're like, "Oh, I want, well, what I really want is this, " and you're like, "Well, that's not gonna happen. So here's some other strategies that you are willing to use." , Then it takes away your responsibility to do that.
[00:22:27] Cassandra Golding: Yeah, and you can ask them too. They may know by saying something like, "Are you looking for something to do or do you want a few minutes together?" And maybe they'll say a few minutes and often it is the connection first and then they can be independent.
[00:22:40] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. No, I love this. I think this is gonna be so helpful for parents because I know we're all stressed out in that moment. I don't know why that, that wording brings up feelings for everybody involved, but it does. So I think it's really helpful for people to have these ideas of things that they can do without overreacting, with planning ahead, and with really looking at what is the cause, what does boredom mean to this kid, , in that moment.
[00:23:06] Leah Clionsky: So, um, I know that you're about to have this really cool conference going on where parents can learn all about parenting topics. We're putting the link in the bio. , Anything else you wanna share about that briefly before we wrap things up for today?
[00:23:23] Cassandra Golding: , Oh, there's so much to say, , but it's amazing lineup of speakers, including Dan Siegel might be, someone that your audience has heard of, , and Jared Cooney Horvath, , who has lots of good information about technology, which I know is a really hot topic. , It's come up a little bit here. We won't dive down that road because it can get, , it can get long fast.
[00:23:42] Cassandra Golding: , But yeah, we invite parents, clinicians, and educators. It's really a platform to have , a very needed national conversation about how to move youth in, , in the direction of more resilience.
[00:23:56] Leah Clionsky: That's amazing. So if you want access to that, you can get the link in the show notes. Otherwise, thank you so much for listening to the podcast today. Now you know what to do when your child is bored, and hopefully you will not have to listen to that over and over again, and I will talk to you again next week.