HOW to Talk to Your Kids About Sex: PART 2 of Advice on Parenting and Age Appropriate Sex Talk With Melissa Goldberg Mintz
How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex: Advice on Parenting and Age Appropriate Sex Talk With Melissa Goldberg Mintz
Talking about sex with your child can feel overwhelming, awkward, and something most parents would rather avoid. If you’ve ever wondered how to talk to your kids about this topic without messing it up, you are not alone. This is one of the most common concerns I hear from parents.
In this episode, I sit down with Melissa Goldberg Mintz, a clinical psychologist and expert in parenting and child development, to walk through how to approach age appropriate sex talk in a way that feels manageable and supportive. We focus on practical, real-life advice on parenting that helps you feel more confident while also giving your child accurate sexual education for kids in a way they can actually understand.
Why This Conversation Feels So Hard
Many parents feel uncomfortable when thinking about how to talk to your kids about sex. Often, this discomfort comes from how we were raised or from fears about saying the wrong thing.
A common concern is that introducing age appropriate sex talk will somehow encourage kids to engage in sexual behavior earlier. But what we know is that avoiding the conversation does not prevent curiosity. It just means kids will seek sexual education for kids somewhere else, often from unreliable sources.
This is why having open conversations is such important advice on parenting. It allows you to guide the information your child receives and builds trust at the same time.
Start With Yourself First
Before you can effectively talk to your kids, you need to feel comfortable with the topic yourself.
That means practicing using correct language like penis, vagina, and other anatomical terms without hesitation. When parents feel confident, age appropriate sex talk becomes much more natural and less awkward.
This is one of the most important pieces of advice on parenting in this area. Kids pick up on your discomfort. If you act like the topic is scary or inappropriate, they will too.
Creating a calm, comfortable environment is the foundation for healthy sexual education for kids.
Let Your Child Lead the Conversation
One of the best strategies for age appropriate sex talk is to let your child’s questions guide the conversation.
If your child asks, “Where do babies come from?” you answer that question simply and clearly. Then you pause. You don’t need to give a full lecture on everything related to sex.
This approach keeps sexual education for kids aligned with their developmental level. It also makes it easier for parents to talk to your kids without feeling like they have to cover everything at once.
Following your child’s curiosity is one of the most effective forms of advice on parenting because it keeps the conversation natural and manageable.
Keep It Simple and Honest
When you’re learning how to talk to your kids about sex, remember that simple is better.
Use clear, factual language and avoid overcomplicating your explanation. For example, explaining that a penis goes into a vagina to help create a baby is often enough for younger children.
That level of age appropriate sex talk answers the question without overwhelming them. If they want more information, they will ask.
Providing honest, simple answers is a key part of effective sexual education for kids and builds trust between you and your child.
Set Boundaries Around Sharing
Another important part of age appropriate sex talk is helping kids understand what information is private.
After you talk to your kids, it’s helpful to explain that different families have different values and that this is something to discuss at home, not with friends at school.
This protects other families’ boundaries while reinforcing that your child can always come back to you with questions.
This type of guidance is often overlooked but is essential advice on parenting when it comes to sensitive topics like sexual education for kids.
It’s Not Just One Conversation
One of the biggest misconceptions about how to talk to your kids about sex is that it’s a one-time conversation.
In reality, age appropriate sex talk should be ongoing. It evolves as your child grows and asks new questions.
Each conversation builds on the last and strengthens your child’s understanding. More importantly, it reinforces that you are a safe person to come to for information and support.
This ongoing approach to sexual education for kids is one of the most valuable pieces of advice on parenting you can apply.
Final Thoughts
Learning how to talk to your kids about sex is not about having the perfect script. It’s about being open, honest, and available.
When you approach age appropriate sex talk with confidence and curiosity, you create a foundation of trust that extends far beyond this topic. Providing accurate sexual education for kids helps your child feel informed, safe, and supported.
And ultimately, that is what the best advice on parenting is all about.
LET'S CONNECT:
Love having expert tips you can actually use?Join our newsletter and get a beautifully designed PDF of each episode’s top 3 takeaways—delivered straight to your inbox every week.
Are you a provider?Subscribe here for professional insights and parenting resources!
-
[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to the Educated Parent Podcast. I am your host, Dr. Leah Konski, and I'm so excited about our repeat guest for today. So this is where I'm going to again, give you a warning. We are going to be continuing our discussion about the birds and the bees and how to have that conversation in detail. So if you have a young kiddo in the car and you don't want them listening to this, don't, don't listen to me right now.
[00:00:26] Leah Clionsky: Come back, listen to us later on. So this is your warning to turn it off, although we think you should listen to it later on and eventually share the information we're going to give today. So I hope you really enjoy it. So today I am back with Dr. Melissa Goldberg Mintz to talk about why we, not just, why we should have conversations about sex with children.
[00:00:50] Leah Clionsky: But how to have those initial conversations. So just as a refresher, she's a licensed clinical psychologist. She's an award-winning author, and she's the mother of two living in Houston, Texas. She owns her own practice, secure based Psychology, and she teaches at Baylor College of Medicine as an assistant professor.
[00:01:09] Leah Clionsky: So I'm so excited to have you back and for us to have part two of our conversation.
[00:01:15] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Thanks. I'm so excited to be here and tackle this important topic.
[00:01:19] Leah Clionsky: It is such an important topic. So last time you were here, we told parents we're so sorry. We know you want to avoid the conversation about sex, and you want maybe us to give it or someone else to tell your child, but we really think it has to be you, and here is why we think it should be you. And now we have to tell you how to actually have this conversation so that you have some tools and you don't feel completely lost.
[00:01:43] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Melissa, can you talk a little bit about your experience with giving the talk to children as a clinician? Like how has this come up for you? How have you helped parents with this in the past? Tell me everything.
[00:01:58] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure. Gosh, this is such an important topic. Um. Uh, man, I think parents, collectively we can kind of lose our minds over this topic and we just wanna avoid it, you know, even if we understand why it's important, um, it can feel really uncomfortable because we feel uncomfortable about sex, and some parents also feel like they wanna protect their kids from that.
[00:02:22] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: I think where I start is just providing some education about not just why it's important, but how to do it in a way that feels the most comfortable and empowering.
[00:02:33] Leah Clionsky: How many parents do you think you have helped giving this talk to their children?
[00:02:39] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Oh gosh. So I used to do a training at the Children's Assessment Center, how to talk to your kids about sex. Um, and I did that training many times. So, uh, hundreds, something like that.
[00:02:52] Leah Clionsky: Have you helped one-to-one clients with it as well? Did they come to you and you're like, let me give you the details of how to do this.
[00:02:57] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right? Yes, absolutely. Mm-hmm.
[00:03:00] Leah Clionsky: When you've taught parents how to give the sex talk before, what has, and they're scared and then they do it and they come back to you, how do they usually feel about it afterwards? What's their feedback?
[00:03:13] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, so sometimes I get a like, oh, I'm so relieved that's over. Now I don't have to do it again. And then I have to share the unfortunate news that it's not just a one time sex talk ideally. You know, you're just opening up the door so that if they ever have questions about sex or sexuality or anything related to those topics, they can come to you about them.
[00:03:34] Leah Clionsky: So they come to you and they're relieved and they think they did it once and they're not actually done. Yeah.
[00:03:41] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: yes. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
[00:03:44] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. When do parents ever come and feel like it didn't go well? Like, I mean, if we're just like sharing everything. Has there, have there been times where that's been the case? And then if so, how do you reassure parents if they try to have this conversation and then they're, they're not happy with how it went?
[00:04:00] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure. Well, I think just maybe normalizing expectations and thinking about our expectations. I think like 99% of kids when you tell them about like what sex is and where babies come from will be like, Ew, that's so gross. And that's actually a very normal, healthy reaction. So I think managing expectations is important.
[00:04:19] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Or some kids are like, we'll change the subject. They don't wanna have a really long conversation about sex.
[00:04:26] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure. And it doesn't have to be a really long conversation. I mean, you know, give you five minutes tops, you know?
[00:04:33] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Yeah. I remember when my parents told me, I really thought they were making it up. Like it just seemed like such a wild idea that anybody would ever, ever wanna have any sort of sexual contact that, um, yeah, I just imagined that they had made up a really weird lie to tell me. And I think that kids sometimes feel that way, especially when they're young.
[00:04:54] Leah Clionsky: Two, it just seems like it's so outside of their desire, essentially.
[00:04:58] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: right. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's so bizarre and all we've heard about private parts in the past is that like, you know, nobody should be touching your private parts. So what do you mean grownups touch private parts?
[00:05:10] Leah Clionsky: Right. Exactly. Yeah. And how do you draw that distinction for kids about what grownups do when they're consenting versus what kids should and shouldn't be doing in terms of private parts? Like, is that something you end up bringing up with parents even before you bring up this talk?
[00:05:28] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Oh goodness. Okay, so I feel like we're opening up a can of worms here. Um, something I included in my training about how to talk to your kids about sex is actually also how to talk to your kids about masturbation. Yeah, and, and sometimes that conversation has to start quite early because your kid will be sitting like on the dining room couch and just start touching their genitals and exploring themselves.
[00:05:50] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: And you know, right away you really need to set some, some BI mean, not with babies and things like that, but with kids who are old enough to understand, you know, we put a name to what this is. We don't shame them for it. But also we explain, you know, this is something we do in our room by ourself.
[00:06:08] Leah Clionsky: So your goal is to normalize this for parents so they don't freak out about it because it is a completely normal childhood behavior, even in very, very young children, two, three years old. So you're like normalizing it for parents so they're not panicking and thinking something terrible happened. You're normalizing it for kids so that they don't feel deep shame, and then you're giving them some boundaries around it so that they're able to like be within cultural norms.
[00:06:35] Leah Clionsky: And also not hear that you can never do that again, and that that's bad.
[00:06:39] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right. Absolutely.
[00:06:41] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. So there's like that discussion about like, you can touch your private parts and this is how it's safe to do it, and here are like maybe some of the sanitary things about washing your hands being really important around that.
[00:06:52] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Oh, totally.
[00:06:53] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, and then there's the talk too, right about like how other kids should not be touching or looking at your private parts and that this is a not a thing that other grownups should be doing, and then there's that. However, when you're an adult, you might choose to do this for fun, so it's such a,
[00:07:10] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: good and or to make a baby.
[00:07:13] Leah Clionsky: right, yeah. It's like such a different like approach. It's like forbidden. But I guess that's true with a lot of things where we don't let kids do them until they reach a certain level of maturity. And that we decide they can make their own decisions.
[00:07:25] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right. Mm-hmm.
[00:07:27] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Do you find that, where did parents get hung up, I guess, in kind of your introduction to this conversation?
[00:07:33] Leah Clionsky: So when you were giving this talk over and over, where were you seeing like a lot of like raised hands and anxiety that maybe the, the parents listening to this episode or feeling right now?
[00:07:43] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Yeah, I can't remember if we spoke about this in the last one, but I think the biggest concern, um, which is a misconception, is that talking to kids about sex, sexuality, masturbation, all of that. Will cause there to be an earlier initiation of those behaviors. Like, I'm just gonna put it in their head and it's not already there and they're not ready for it.
[00:08:05] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, but you know, that's why I talk to parents about feel free to like, let your child bring it up first. So usually kids will have a question, like, um, either they'll touch themselves on the couch or they'll wonder where do babies come from? Or something like that. And you know, I say if they're old enough to ask the question, then they deserve an honest, age, appropriate answer.
[00:08:26] Leah Clionsky: So it sounds like it's, it's less that there's a certain point where you mentioned masturbation and parents get nervous and it's more of a general, like you go through it and then they raise their hands and they're like, what if, like, what if me bringing this up is going to make this happen earlier? And if I keep my kids.
[00:08:43] Leah Clionsky: Innocent. You know, if I keep them from this knowledge, then they won't engage in any sexual activity. And then you're basically saying to them, that's not what the research supports at all.
[00:08:54] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right. Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:08:56] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. Do you know, like, and I'm like, I by the way, audience, I'm just like throwing this at Melissa right now without pre-warning her. I was gonna ask this, but I'm just curious, like, do you happen to know, like what are the statistics of like parents having this conversation with kids or like, is there any data about how kids typically respond to this topic or, or any.
[00:09:21] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, like any outcome data you're aware of,
[00:09:24] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, some, not about like when they initiate first intercourse, um, but there has been some literature in the sexual abuse area. Uh, that demonstrates that kids who have, I think, report like warm, supportive relationships with, um, at least one parent is less likely to experience sexual abuse.
[00:09:49] Leah Clionsky: Why would that be the case?
[00:09:51] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So, um, you know, can't say exactly why, but if I were to take a stab at it, I think I'd say that um, kids who have close, warm, supportive relationship with parents, um, can talk about topics like this. So if someone's making them feel uncomfortable, they can talk about it and get support and get help. Um, because usually when we're thinking of child sexual abuse, it's not like there's this stranger who.
[00:10:17] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, sexually abuses a child. Day one, they meet them, there's like grooming and there's this whole process that, um, you know, if a child's feeling uncomfortable and they can talk to their parents about it, they can get some support. Whereas a child who feels like, oh my gosh, like I cannot talk to anybody about this at all.
[00:10:34] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, it stays a secret and it can go on for longer.
[00:10:37] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, as as you were talking, I was also thinking that like if we, if we validate children's feelings, they trust themselves as well, you know, and so if they have good relationships with caregivers who. Trust them, then they're more likely to be able to believe themselves when they're like, I'm not comfortable with this, even though this like tricky person is telling me I should be like, you can't trick me.
[00:11:01] Leah Clionsky: Like deep down, I know on some level that I'm not cool with this. And then they could be able to advocate a little bit if nobody knows until they share it.
[00:11:10] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right. Absolutely.
[00:11:12] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Yeah. I know we veered just in that moment, slightly off topic 'cause I got so curious about all of your knowledge. Yeah.
[00:11:18] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: I think it all hangs together.
[00:11:20] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, but one of the, one thing I'm wondering now is like, so let's say that, that I, one of my young children is asking questions related to sex.
[00:11:30] Leah Clionsky: And I'm standing there and I'm like, what do I say? You know, they're asking me where do babies come from? They're asking me, um, what is sex? Because they heard the word somewhere before, or they're asking me kind of a term adjacent to that. Like what do we do then? Like what are the strategies for actually having this conversation?
[00:11:50] Leah Clionsky: If we accept, like I know that I have to do it right, like I know it needs to come from me. I listened to the previous episode I buy in. What am I going to do in those moments, what do you recommend?
[00:12:01] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure. Okay. So I think my, my first piece of advice would be, um, to help yourself feel comfortable, like, set yourself up for success. So if you're driving in rush hour traffic and you're like, you know, white knuckling the steering wheel, that's not the right time to have this conversation. Um, kids pick up on how we're feeling and we want this to be a positive memory, something they experience like, oh, okay, I can talk to mama or dad about tough stuff.
[00:12:28] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So. Um, you know, so say your kid does ask you in rush hour traffic first, you can be like, oh my goodness, what a great question. I'm so glad that you asked me. Um, let's definitely talk about this when we get home and we can like, have some, like one-on-one girl time or mom kid time or whatever it is. Um, so choose a time and a space where you feel comfortable.
[00:12:51] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, and then next, let's get super comfortable talking about sex and using. Um, you know, correct terms. So let's get comfortable saying penis, vagina, scrotum, you know, whatever, whatever terms you're going to use. And ideally, I prefer the, the, the medically correct terminology. Um, but let's get super comfortable with it.
[00:13:13] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: I think that is a really great place to start.
[00:13:17] Leah Clionsky: So like, as a parent, the first thing I need to do is get comfortable with the topic, right? Because it's going to come up at some point. And so I need to practice, how am I gonna say this? I need to practice saying things like penis or vagina so that I don't, you know, get all weird about it and like, and then signal to my kids like, I'm doing a weird thing by talking about this.
[00:13:38] Leah Clionsky: So I need, and I also don't wanna set myself up by having a conversation. I'm nervous about. In a situation where I'm already like, worked up like this is maybe not the conversation to have. Um, like at your in-law's house, if you're stressed out, right? This is, you wanna have the conversation when it feels like a good time for you.
[00:13:59] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Absolutely.
[00:14:01] Leah Clionsky: Okay. All right. So I'm like, I feel like this is all of parenting, right? It's sort of like make sure you're regulated in a good place before you do the hard thing. I feel like I just give that tip over and over and over again. I'm like, think about it in advance. Make sure you are comfortable, right?
[00:14:16] Leah Clionsky: Because it's hard to just launch into a topic with a child when we're not there ourselves.
[00:14:22] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: A hundred percent. Yes. And like think about what you're modeling to your kid by doing all of those things. Like, oh, I can take some time for myself when I'm feeling flustered to get grounded.
[00:14:33] Leah Clionsky: Right. So you just say to them something like, this is a really important thing. I'm so glad that you're asking me about it. Let's pick some time where I can really sit down and explain
[00:14:43] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[00:14:45] Leah Clionsky: Yep. And then you actually have to go do that.
[00:14:47] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Yes. Then you, then you have to go do that, which brings me to my second, um, piece of wisdom, which is, okay, so a question I get all the time is, um, how do I keep this age appropriate? And there is no like one answer to that question because even kids who were born on the same time, on the same day, in the same year, could be at two different developmental levels.
[00:15:10] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So the way to keep an age appropriate in my book is let the kids. Questions, guide the conversation. That way you're not telling them things that, you know, they're not ready to know. It's things that occur to them and they wonder about. Um, and if you don't answer those questions, somebody else will.
[00:15:29] Leah Clionsky: So if, can you give an example like of how you would maybe follow a child's train of thought in a situation like that?
[00:15:37] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure, sure. Um, so let's see. Um. You know, where do babies come from? Um, so, you know, we might say, well, um, babies come from sex. Okay. A kid might say, what sex, um, sex is an act between two grownups where, um, you know, and like, again, you could go into more or less detail here, but what I said to my own kids. Is, um, a man would put his penis inside of a woman's vagina, and then they might, that might be enough.
[00:16:17] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: They might be like, Ew, that's so gross. And, okay, well, you know, you answered their questions, you answered them. Honestly, other kids might have more questions like, so how does that create a baby? Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad you. Um, you know, so in a man's testicles there's something called sperm, and those are like the seeds that help create a baby.
[00:16:37] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: And so that's actually, they, they come out from there through the penis, into the vagina, and that's how it works. And then, um, and then they go and find the woman's egg. Um, oh, and then, you know, that's gonna be enough for some kids and others might have more. Some might ask, you know, but like, why do you do that?
[00:16:54] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: That's so weird. Um, you know, well some, you know, I get why you're saying that and some grownups think it feels good. And also that's they're trying to make a baby on purpose and so that's another reason they might do it.
[00:17:08] Leah Clionsky: That's really helpful, like just kind of giving that scripting. Do you think chat GBT could do this? Like if you are like, I like write a script in an age appropriate level for a 4-year-old, just so parents have some like guidance about like what to even say. Could that be a starting point that they adapt?
[00:17:28] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: I feel like I may be more conservative than most people about like AI and chat GBT, just because I've seen it go wrong. So many times, like you ask a question and it gives a really inappropriate answer. Just something that's like plain, flat out wrong. Um, I think say if you're going to do that, I would want to like very thoroughly read over it and check it.
[00:17:49] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Um, but yeah, potentially.
[00:17:52] Leah Clionsky: I'm just thinking like in the moment, right? Like a parent's thinking like how do I, how do I make this five-year-old appropriate? Right. What words are useful there? I think it's okay too if you struggle to explain it a little bit. Like it's okay. Yeah. If you have a hard time. Is this also where you would explain maybe like an IVF process, if like that's where they came from or that's how babies are made in their family, would you.
[00:18:17] Leah Clionsky: Kind of, kind of go off to a different topic there.
[00:18:25] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Oh goodness. Are we connected?
[00:18:28] Leah Clionsky: All right. I think we just, we froze for a minute. Did you hear my question? Yeah. Gli obviously edit. Edit this part out where we don't know if we spoke to each other. Okay.
[00:18:37] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Sure. Yes. Um, yes. I think it's a perfectly appropriate time to talk about IVF. Um, uh, so I'm an IVF mom and the sex conversation is when I share, well, one of my children's IVF, um, when I explained to her, um, that the way that she was conceived is a little bit different because mommy was having a hard time getting pregnant with her.
[00:18:59] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So we got some help from. Dr. Nadler, who's our IVF doctor, um, and, um, talking about what that looks like.
[00:19:09] Leah Clionsky: So like, it's basically you can tailor that conversation to like answer your kids' specific questions for sure.
[00:19:17] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: absolutely
[00:19:18] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, no, that sounds really helpful. Um, is there any kind of caveat you have to give a child about? Them sharing the information with other children after the conversation? Like is there a strategy in there that you have to pay attention to?
[00:19:35] Leah Clionsky: Like how do you wrap up, I guess,
[00:19:36] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Yes, you wrap it up. Um, so I do, I do give a statement about that and I say, you know, different families have different values about sex. And, um, what, what I believe is that it's up to each parent to, um, to tell their kid what, what they think when they're ready. So what we should do is, um, you know, let's keep this between us if you have or not.
[00:20:01] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Let me think about actually, sorry. Can we edit that out?
[00:20:04] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, absolutely. Edit out this part of it. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[00:20:09] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: let me think about how I would answer that. Um, okay, so I think actually I might compare it to something like the Tooth Fairy. So for some reason my children never believed in the tooth fairy. We like tried to do tooth fairy stuff and they just were like, yeah, mommy, we, we know it's you. I was like, okay, good for you.
[00:20:26] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: And um, so when, when talking about sex, I was like, you know how um, you always knew it was me. There wasn't really a tooth fair. Um, but other kids in your grade, they still believe in the tooth, right? Oh yeah. Like I can get that. That makes sense. Well, that is kind of how we think about sex too. Different families have different values and think about sex differently, and so we don't want to spoil anyone's family views on things.
[00:20:52] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So, um, so, you know, if you ever have a question about sex, you can always come and talk to me about it, or question about your body or private parts or anything like that. You can always come and ask me about it.
[00:21:05] Leah Clionsky: Okay, so you're basically like, let's keep, you're, you're trying to give them the information, but also. Preventing them. Ideally from going around and sharing with kids whose parents are not ready
[00:21:15] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Right? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
[00:21:17] Leah Clionsky: to have that kind of conversation. Yeah, that sounds like an important part too.
[00:21:22] Leah Clionsky: 'cause I think that's what's hard. It's like how do I initiate, how do I, what do I actually say? How do I end this? And I guess my last question for you is, what if your child doesn't bring it up? But you know that they need to know? Like it's either, they're either. Like have heard something, right, and you're like, I feel like I should be explaining this in more detail and I haven't.
[00:21:46] Leah Clionsky: How would you introduce it then?
[00:21:48] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Totally. Totally. So I, um, I feel like I heard an anecdote about this recently, but like a kid whose parent never talked about it, never came up. They were listening to something in the car and like. There was a sex joke and the kid laughed at it and they were surprised, like, oh my gosh, you know what that is?
[00:22:04] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: I did not think you knew what that is. I think you could always say, Hey, I saw you laugh at that. Um, what do you know about sex? And then, you know, do you have any questions about it Like that
[00:22:15] Leah Clionsky: Okay, so just kind of like, again, that more natural like, okay, I feel like something happened and we should have a discussion. Because you also don't know what your kids have heard. They may have already think they know where babies come from because they asked their friend or they asked Alexa and so they had, they might have already like circumvented you
[00:22:34] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Totally. Yes.
[00:22:35] Leah Clionsky: if you suspect that they know something, but maybe not the right thing, or you also just wanna signal that you can have that conversation yourself, that's when you, um, you go in and you have it with them.
[00:22:48] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: absolutely.
[00:22:49] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. So it sounds like if we were kind of reiterating your, your tips here. The first strategy that you're giving parents is get comfortable with the topic yourself so that you don't like somehow suggest to your kids that this is too uncomfortable to talk about and you're more able to say what you really want to.
[00:23:06] Leah Clionsky: It sounds like the second strategy you're giving is to answer their questions and just have like clear age appropriate language around it. It seems like the third strategy is about how to kind of end that conversation. So that they know, like you kind of put a, put a, an end to it so that they know what to share with their peers or not share.
[00:23:29] Leah Clionsky: And also you've like invited them to come back to you. And the fourth one is if they, if you see them, bring it up in a way where you know you need to have the conversation. That's a good entry point for that talk.
[00:23:39] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think like doing this and talking about hard things opens the door like later on when they're older to talk about other things that may feel hard or embarrassing, you know, related to drug use or like, you know, any kind of like abuse or uncomfortable things that happen in romantic relationship.
[00:23:56] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: So it's not just about sex, it's also like showing your kid we can have hard conversations.
[00:24:03] Leah Clionsky: Right. I'm the trusted person.
[00:24:06] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Yes,
[00:24:06] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. This is such an important topic. I feel like we could do multiple episodes on this topic, like how to tell a teenager
[00:24:13] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: yes.
[00:24:14] Leah Clionsky: how to have the talk with them when you suspect that they might be sexually active. There's like, this is like a multiple, multi-part conversation that parents have to have with kids, and also we could probably continue to talk about for many, many episodes.
[00:24:27] Leah Clionsky: But I'm so glad that you came on to have this challenging discussion. Parents, if you need help having this discussion. You can, we can help you at Thriving Child Center or Dr. Goldberg Mintz can definitely help you over at Secure Based Psychology. Do you wanna share where they people can find you and where they can find your amazing book?
[00:24:45] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Oh, sure. So my website is melissa goldberg minz.com. Um, also on Instagram at Melissa Goldberg Minz. Um, and then my book can be found wherever books are sold. It's called Has Your Child Been Traumatized? Um, so pick it up at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, or any of the wonderful booksellers in between.
[00:25:06] Leah Clionsky: Amazing. And how your child has not been traumatized is by you having this discussion
[00:25:10] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: Yes,
[00:25:10] Leah Clionsky: This is,
[00:25:12] Melissa Goldberg Mintz: yes. Mm-hmm.
[00:25:13] Leah Clionsky: yes. Amazing. Thank you so much for coming on, and I so appreciate your expertise in this area and I look forward to all of you joining us again next time.