How to Help Your Teen Choose a Career (Without Increasing Their Anxiety) with Jocelyn Abrams
How to Help Your Teen Choose a Career (Without Increasing Their Anxiety) with Jocelyn Abrams
When your child is little, people ask them fun questions.
“What’s your favorite color?”
“What’s your favorite animal?”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
But somewhere around middle school and high school, that last question suddenly becomes very serious.
And for many teens, it becomes a major source of academic stress.
Parents feel it too.
You want your child to be successful. You want them to be happy. You want to help them make good choices about their future. But many families accidentally turn these conversations into pressure-filled experiences instead of supportive ones.
That’s why I sat down with Dr. Jocelyn Abrams to talk about how parents can provide healthy career guidance for teens without increasing anxiety.
Why Teens Feel So Much Pressure About the Future
Today’s teens are growing up in an environment where conversations about success start incredibly early.
By middle school, many kids are already talking about:
College acceptance
Careers
Academic performance
Future salaries
That creates enormous academic stress, especially for teens who are still figuring out who they are.
And honestly, many parents are carrying anxiety too.
As parents, we naturally want to set our kids up for success. But sometimes our fear about their future unintentionally becomes pressure.
This is where strong positive parenting techniques matter so much.
The Goal Is Not to Have Everything Figured Out
One of the most important things Dr. Abrams shared is this:
Most teenagers are not supposed to know exactly what they want to do with their lives.
That is normal.
Some kids know early. Most don’t.
And that uncertainty does not mean they are failing.
In fact, healthy career guidance for teens often starts with exploration, not certainty.
Curiosity Matters More Than Perfection
Instead of focusing on finding the “perfect” career path immediately, Dr. Abrams encourages families to focus on curiosity.
That means:
Trying activities
Exploring interests
Experimenting with hobbies
Learning what they enjoy and dislike
This approach dramatically reduces academic stress because it shifts the conversation away from perfection and toward discovery.
And this is where positive parenting techniques can completely change the emotional tone of these conversations.
What Positive Parenting Looks Like Here
A lot of parents accidentally ask questions that feel loaded.
“What are you going to do with your life?”
“What major are you choosing?”
“What college are you aiming for?”
Even when parents mean well, teens often hear:
“You better figure this out.”
Instead, strong positive parenting techniques focus on strengths and interests.
Questions like:
“What activities make you feel excited?”
“What are you naturally good at?”
“What kind of environments do you enjoy?”
These questions help teens feel seen instead of judged.
Why Strength-Based Conversations Work
One thing I loved about this conversation is how much it focused on strengths.
Healthy career guidance for teens is not about forcing kids into one specific career.
It’s about helping them recognize:
Their natural abilities
Their interests
Their personality traits
Their values
For example, maybe your child is:
Creative
Organized
A strong leader
Great at problem-solving
Naturally empathetic
Those strengths can apply to many different paths.
This reduces academic stress because teens stop feeling like there is only one “correct” answer.
The Importance of Parenting Resources
This process is hard.
And honestly, many parents feel lost navigating it.
That is why quality parenting resources can be so helpful.
Parents often need support understanding:
What pressure looks like
How anxiety impacts decision-making
How to separate their goals from their child’s goals
Using trusted parenting resources helps families move from fear-based conversations to supportive ones.
Why It’s Okay to Change Directions
Another important takeaway from Dr. Abrams was this:
Your teen’s first path does not have to be their forever path.
People change careers all the time.
People discover new interests.
People pivot.
People evolve.
Good career guidance for teens leaves room for flexibility.
And that flexibility lowers academic stress dramatically because teens stop believing that every decision determines the rest of their lives forever.
What Teens Really Need From Parents
At the core of this conversation, teens want the same thing all humans want:
To feel:
Seen
Heard
Understood
That is why positive parenting techniques matter so much during adolescence.
When teens feel emotionally safe, they are much more likely to:
Explore interests
Communicate openly
Build confidence
Make thoughtful decisions
And honestly, that confidence matters more long-term than having a perfectly planned career path at age sixteen.
Supporting Teens Without Taking Over
One of the hardest parts of parenting adolescents is knowing when to guide and when to step back.
You do not want to control your child’s future.
But you also do not want to disengage completely.
This is where thoughtful parenting resources and supportive conversations become incredibly valuable.
You can:
Encourage exploration
Set healthy boundaries
Support responsibility
Stay curious instead of controlling
That balance is difficult, but it is possible.
Final Thoughts
If your teen is struggling with academic stress, uncertainty about the future, or anxiety around college and careers, they are not alone.
And neither are you.
Healthy career guidance for teens is not about pushing them toward a perfect answer.
It is about helping them understand themselves.
When parents use strong positive parenting techniques, rely on quality parenting resources, and focus on strengths instead of pressure, teens become much more capable of finding paths that genuinely fit who they are.
And that is what long-term success really looks like.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Episode 15: Should You Keep Pushing Your Child to Succeed or Back off? With Kristin Mervich, LCSW
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CONNECT WITH JOCELYN ABRAMS:
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to "The Educated Parent" podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Leah Clionsky, and I'm going to talk to you today about a topic that definitely starts coming up for kids usually, freshman year of high school, maybe even before. And this is the anxiety about what is your child going to do when they grow up?
[00:00:22] Leah Clionsky: What is their career, and how can you support them in making that decision? And we know some of our kids, they're like chill about it, but some of our kids are really anxious. Some of us are really anxious, too. So that is why I have brought on the wonderful Dr. Jocelyn Abrams. She specializes in helping adolescents and young adults in developing these personality-tailored coping skills to facilitate change and to specifically answer this question so that everybody can feel more relaxed and less stressed out.
[00:00:52] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to the show, Dr. Abrams.
[00:00:54] Jocelyn: Thank you. Thank you for having me
[00:00:56] Leah Clionsky: No, I'm so happy you're here because I feel like this whole issue is really stressful, especially as you head into s- into spring and like
[00:01:04] Leah Clionsky: college acceptance season.
[00:01:05] Leah Clionsky: Are you feeling that?
[00:01:06] Jocelyn: Oh, gosh, right, like people are waiting to find out what school they were accepted to. Is it a school that... Have they heard from it yet? Why- everybody's starting to... Juniors are starting to gear up for SAT season. I mean, all of it
[00:01:20] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. I feel like when you have little kids, everyone asks them, "What's your favorite color?" And then when you like have a high school student or even a middle school student, they're like, "What are you going to do for- with your life for real?"
[00:01:32] Jocelyn: right
[00:01:33] Leah Clionsky: I think the kids I work with are really stressed out about it
[00:01:37] Jocelyn: I know. I'm laughing 'cause my elementary schooler will tell you that he's gonna be a pro basketball player one day, which
[00:01:42] Jocelyn: We don't have the genes for that. And then my middle schooler will tell you that she's gonna be a pro dancer, and I'm like I don't know about that either, but we'll see."
[00:01:50] Leah Clionsky: Oh, but well, my son is going to be a superhero apparently.
[00:01:54] Jocelyn: Love that
[00:01:55] Leah Clionsky: my daughter's gonna be a feelings doctor like mommy. So I'm
[00:01:57] Leah Clionsky: like, "That's possible."
[00:01:59] Jocelyn: Yep. Yep, 100%. Yep, exactly
[00:02:03] Leah Clionsky: But I kinda like, I feel like they're-- even my kids at this age, four and six, are even a little stressed. So I can definitely see, like there's a cultural pressure right from
[00:02:12] Jocelyn: Oh, yeah.
[00:02:14] Leah Clionsky: Yeah.
[00:02:15] Jocelyn: my, my middle schooler and her friends were already talking about what colleges they're gonna go to, and if they can get into UT, and if they can all get in, whether they're gonna be roommates. And I'm thinking, "What? You guys are in sixth grade. Like, come on." But they're having, they've been having these conversations for at least two years, so it's, it starts young
[00:02:33] Leah Clionsky: Wow. And this is the whole area you specialize in, is
[00:02:36] Leah Clionsky: helping, like, teens make these kinds of decisions.
[00:02:41] Leah Clionsky: So if we're,
[00:02:41] Leah Clionsky: if we're being real direct,
[00:02:43] Jocelyn: Mm-hmm
[00:02:44] Leah Clionsky: who is more anxious? Is it the teens or is it their parents who are just wanting the best for them, but really worried that they're gonna make the wrong choice and be miserable?
[00:02:55] Jocelyn: I would say predominantly parents. And it comes from a good place, right? The parents really want the kids to have a great life and make good choices and, they want... As a parent, I get it. We want to set our kids up in the best way possible. And there's a lot of pressure out there. So the parents feel the pressure.
[00:03:13] Jocelyn: The kids end up feeling the pressure. Sometimes you'll see parents that say like, "Look, I'm not really putting any pressure on my kid," and they are not, and it's very kid-based, and they are a very driven, motivated kind of kiddo. But mostly I would say it's the parent. And it's really largely based in a lot of the communities that we live in, right?
[00:03:32] Jocelyn: Like, it's also community-based pressure and school-based pressure
[00:03:35] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. So it's sort of this thought, like, what does it mean about my success as a parent if my kid goes to this college or has that kind of
[00:03:42] Leah Clionsky: career,
[00:03:44] Jocelyn: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:45] Leah Clionsky: are all of my friends doing? Are they all going to this kind of college or having this kind of career? What if I don't want the same thing?
[00:03:52] Jocelyn: Right. Or what does it say about me if everybody goes here and I didn't get into this school? Or I'm going for this major and everybody's going for this, or... You're-- And you're right, as a parent, as much as we hate to admit it, and I relate to that also, like our kids are often a reflection of us and our parenting strategies, but this is a really important place to try to differentiate that and focus on what is the direction that's best for your kids as they move into their adult life and their future, and try to separate what that means, a-as a reflection on you and the family or whatnot
[00:04:26] Leah Clionsky: I imagine it's even harder too if you're asking your teen, like you're tr- you're like, "I'm going to be supportive," and then you're saying to them, "So what do you wanna do? Like, I'm not gonna like pressure you into
[00:04:39] Leah Clionsky: being a doctor, but I'm open. What do you want?" And then you get,
[00:04:43] Jocelyn: I don't know. Mm-hmm. And then if you ask too many times, you get, "You're pressuring me." Right? I mean, that's what I hear, kids say all the time. They say they're not-- they don't care, but then they ask me three times, and they're pressuring me, and they do care, and you just see the circ- it just spirals from there.
[00:04:58] Jocelyn: It's a really circular and difficult conversation
[00:05:01] Leah Clionsky: Do you kind of feel like it's related to the, like, developmental struggle that happens between an all healthy parent-teen dynamics
[00:05:10] Leah Clionsky: where the teen is like, "I've got it figured out. Get off my back, like I know what I'm doing." And the parent is looking at that child thinking, "You don't know anything."
[00:05:21] Jocelyn: Yeah
[00:05:22] Leah Clionsky: protect you because your brain is not an adult brain yet."
[00:05:25] Leah Clionsky: And there's like a merit to both sides
[00:05:27] Leah Clionsky: usually with this
[00:05:28] Jocelyn: That's definitely an element of it. Y- I definitely see a lot of that. And sometimes the kids d- I mean, I'm sure you've seen this too, where there are some kiddos... My daughter has a friend, and they are 12, and she goes, "I'm gonna be a dermatologist one day." And she probably will be a dermatologist one day, right?
[00:05:43] Jocelyn: And everything she's doing right now is to set up for that. So there are some kids that know exactly what they wanna do, right? And there are also some kids that, that have anxiety or low mood, and they, due to their own insecurity and low self-esteem, they can't even fathom kind of like a successful career, being able-- getting into a good college or any of that, which is all obviously anxiety and mood-based, right?
[00:06:07] Jocelyn: So, trying to navigate that tricky k- boundary as a parent and, and w- working through that issue. So it's, I think it could be a few different things.
[00:06:18] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, I was the kid. I knew at seven I was going to be a child psychologist.
[00:06:23] Jocelyn: I believe that, and
[00:06:23] Jocelyn: that's impressive.
[00:06:25] Leah Clionsky: and my parents had no objection as psychologists
[00:06:29] Jocelyn: Yes, that's
[00:06:30] Leah Clionsky: there was no conflict. It was really-- It's really nice if you can figure out what you wanna do, and it turns out you actually like it.
[00:06:36] Leah Clionsky: I think that's an unusual
[00:06:38] Leah Clionsky: to be that certain, especially now because there are jobs that never existed. Like,
[00:06:45] Leah Clionsky: Like I don't even know what jobs there will be when my kids are old enough to have a career.
[00:06:50] Jocelyn: I know. I know. I mean, it there's... And that's, I think the other piece of it that I really try to emphasize to parents and kiddos is that thinking beyond kind of the stereotypical careers and the stereotypical doctor, lawyer, business, blah, blah, blah, whatever, there's so many different nuances and so many different innovative careers that can be really lucrative and can be, can have your child be really successful and happy and set up for a good life.
[00:07:19] Jocelyn: I mean, it just requires following, again, their interests, their strengths, their passions, starting from a curious place, and then exploring it that way versus, "I have to go in this specific direction."
[00:07:33] Leah Clionsky: It's, as you said that, that curious place part,
[00:07:36] Jocelyn: Mm-hmm
[00:07:36] Leah Clionsky: was thinking, like, my immediate reaction to that was that would be the hardest place to start off i- as actually curious. Not like, "I'm curious, and I have an opinion
[00:07:48] Jocelyn: Oh yeah
[00:07:49] Leah Clionsky: But like, to be like genuinely, I know. unbiased I know
[00:07:54] Leah Clionsky: whatever thing your kid could then tell you that they wanted to do, I think that would be honestly hard
[00:08:02] Jocelyn: Totally. And I think the curiosity is, it's definitely something that you can ask, but it's also observable, right? So you see it in what classes, activities, clubs, sports, projects, blah, blah, blah, the kids are drawn to. You notice what they naturally are inclined towards exploration in, what excites them, where their interest lies, right?
[00:08:24] Jocelyn: And on the other hand, what do they try and shut down, right? Again, I'm talking about my kid. She-- Lacrosse is not her thing, right? We- we're- we're trying our first lacrosse season. Not her thing. Great. We tried it. No, we're not gonna be a pro lacrosse player. Fine with that, right? But it's more of an observation thing
[00:08:41] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. So it sounds like what one thing you're encouraging, and we're not even getting into strategies yet. We'll jump there in a minute.
[00:08:47] Leah Clionsky: What-- As you support your child through this,
[00:08:49] Leah Clionsky: but it sounds like demonstrating like curiosity in general, about activities and, yeah, it sounds like showing a, like showing non-judgment
[00:09:01] Jocelyn: Yes. Yeah
[00:09:02] Leah Clionsky: Like you're practicing what you preach. Like your kids are watching you in all these different moments so that when you actually have a conversation with them, it's not just what you say in that moment, right? It's like what you've been Yes. Yeah time. So talking about exploration and different things are good for other different people and like being open-ended in maybe lots of areas allows that to happen.
[00:09:25] Jocelyn: Yeah, and just h- being o- like having this open policy in your house about, exploring different interests. Try tennis for a season. Great. Do you like that? Do you not like that? Do you want to go to this science camp? Wonderful. Did you like it? No, you hated it? Okay, great. We don't have to do that again, right?
[00:09:42] Jocelyn: Just starting, letting your kid get some data just by interacting with the world
[00:09:49] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. And I think it's, again, it's hard to take that step back 'cause you're thinking, "What if they choose wrong? What if they,
[00:09:57] Jocelyn: I
[00:09:57] Leah Clionsky: all they wanna do is play video games?" And that-- and there are careers like that,
[00:10:00] Jocelyn: mm-hmm.
[00:10:01] Leah Clionsky: it's really hard to, like, unattach, like, what we want from our kids from what we think would be ultimately good for
[00:10:08] Leah Clionsky: them, our value system of what makes a good life, quote-unquote, whatever that
[00:10:12] Leah Clionsky: is.
[00:10:13] Leah Clionsky: Like, wow. Yeah. It's hard. Being a parent is hard. If you're listening to this and you're a parent,
[00:10:19] Jocelyn: Mm-hmm.
[00:10:20] Leah Clionsky: cut yourself some slack. Like,
[00:10:21] Leah Clionsky: this is
[00:10:22] Jocelyn: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's why we're talking about it here, 'cause it is not an easy thing
[00:10:30] Leah Clionsky: Okay. So for the parents listening to this already feeling overwhelmed 'cause we're like, "You are-- You can demonstrate this in different actions."
[00:10:37] Jocelyn: Right
[00:10:38] Leah Clionsky: let's simplify it. Like, what are three things parents who want to support their kids on this journey of figuring out what they wanna do,
[00:10:46] Leah Clionsky: what are three things that, that I can do and we can do to be
[00:10:49] Leah Clionsky: supportive?
[00:10:50] Jocelyn: I'd say one is encourage exploration and avoid pressure.
[00:10:55] Leah Clionsky: Okay
[00:10:56] Jocelyn: Number two would be-- Oh.
[00:10:58] Leah Clionsky: what does that look like? Okay. I'm
[00:11:01] Jocelyn: Yeah. So I would say that teenagers are really discovering who they are, right? So most are not gonna know their career at fi- 14, 15, 16, and that's normal. But we can create an environment where they feel free to try new things.
[00:11:15] Jocelyn: As I said, experimenting with classes and activities and clubs and sports and creative projects, 'cause the exploring helps them learn what excites them and where their natural interests and passions lie. Pressure on the other hand, shuts down curiosity and then they're less likely to try to explore that or more likely to shut down that area even if that could be a meaningful direction for them.
[00:11:38] Leah Clionsky: So it's, so like how this would look practically, I'm imagining, is that, when you're looking at after-school activities, you're saying, "What of these activities appeals to you?"
[00:11:49] Leah Clionsky: Instead of, "I think you should do this one because it will help you in the long run," and you're like
[00:11:55] Jocelyn: Yeah
[00:11:56] Leah Clionsky: like leaning in, like, "You must play golf.
[00:11:59] Leah Clionsky: This will help you later in business," if your child really doesn't wanna play golf, for example.
[00:12:05] Jocelyn: Versus saying like, "Hey, I ca-," showing them literally through your actions, "I care about what your interests are. What sport would you like to play? What activity would you like to do?" "How would you like to..." Obviously within reason, "How would you like to spend your time? What are the things that you are most drawn to?"
[00:12:19] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm. And I imagine too there, it doesn't have to be like, well, if you say you wanna do nothing and never leave your room, that's an option. You can
[00:12:26] Jocelyn: No. Yeah, boundaries are important, right? Absolutely
[00:12:30] Leah Clionsky: Okay. No, that's really helpful. I'm just kind of imagining how this would look.
[00:12:34] Leah Clionsky: Okay, sorry to interrupt you. I
[00:12:36] Leah Clionsky: just needed
[00:12:36] Leah Clionsky: to see it.
[00:12:37] Jocelyn: Thank you. No, I appreciate that
[00:12:40] Leah Clionsky: What's the second thing we can do to make this be a positive thing as we help support our kids?
[00:12:46] Jocelyn: Yeah. So I would say encourage strength, interests, and passions. So kind of, continuing what I was saying above. So instead of asking kids, "What career do you want?" Or, "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" Asking, "What are you good at? What makes you feel proud?" Right? Let this grow out of strengths, which could be teamwork, communication skills, creativity, problem-solving, leadership, whatever, right?
[00:13:09] Jocelyn: Versus not about picking the right job right away. So I think as a parent, if we can help teens recognize what they're naturally good at and build up that self-esteem, kids start... teens start to see possibilities
[00:13:24] Leah Clionsky: That makes sense. So instead of like saying like, "You have the natural gifts of an attorney," for example, right? You could be saying, "You have really good like leadership skills and you're really tenacious, like you really go after things.
[00:13:37] Jocelyn: Yeah
[00:13:38] Leah Clionsky: Let's keep building those skills for you and see where that could map onto something you might like eventually."
[00:13:44] Leah Clionsky: So it's giving...
[00:13:45] Jocelyn: Aha,
[00:13:46] Leah Clionsky: seems like you'd have a much more well-rounded kid anyway if you're like helping with natural strengths
[00:13:53] Leah Clionsky: that could apply to a lot of different jobs. Because what we know now too is people don't like often stay in the same career for their entire lives like
[00:14:00] Jocelyn: Correct. Correct. And it's basically showing the teen that there are many paths that can fit who they are, and there could be many different avenues within a certain career. But it's about empowering your kid, your teen, your kiddo, whatever, and encouraging them to go from a strength-based place
[00:14:21] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Well, I also feel like that does wonders for a kid's just sense of self-worth,
[00:14:26] Leah Clionsky: especially in a time of development, right? Where there's a lot of insecurity, where you're like, I see these really positive things about you and I respect them, and I want us to like enhance them and
[00:14:38] Jocelyn: Aha
[00:14:39] Leah Clionsky: Keep seeing them."
[00:14:40] Leah Clionsky: And like that would feel, I don't know, super like validating instead of like, "You're disappointing me 'cause you're not in love with the thing I love."
[00:14:48] Jocelyn: Correct. Correct. And here, and you make a really good point. Being okay with that. Like, it's hard as a parent when we have these certain ideas of what we want our kids to be doing, and, like, even down to, like, the activities we want them to like. Being okay that they might not like that, and saying, "Okay, this is where I end and they start," and knowing that there's a differentiation there
[00:15:11] Leah Clionsky: I really feel like knowing when to push. There's a n- we had an episode that Kristin Mrvich was on last year about when to push and when to back off,
[00:15:19] Jocelyn: Oh, it's so hard
[00:15:22] Leah Clionsky: It's so hard.
[00:15:23] Leah Clionsky: It's
[00:15:24] Jocelyn: I don't even have it down. Yeah
[00:15:26] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, it was a list of questions to ask yourself. Like, we couldn't even come up with like, "Here are the factors," 'cause knowing that is so, so hard.
[00:15:33] Jocelyn: Yeah. God, yes. My kids would tell you even though I, this is what I do, they'll be like, "Oh yeah, she still pushes," or, like, of course I do 'cause I'm human. We all fail sometimes
[00:15:43] Leah Clionsky: And maybe in 10 years they'll say thank you, right? Like, you
[00:15:45] Leah Clionsky: also don't know. You-
[00:15:48] Jocelyn: Yeah. But yeah, exactly. It's really unclear, but, just trying to put my best feet, best foot forward each day. Yeah.
[00:15:56] Leah Clionsky: Good luck to us all. Hopefully
[00:15:58] Jocelyn: But yeah, seriously
[00:15:59] Leah Clionsky: psychologists struggling with this, you know that if you are struggling with this, it's not you. Like there isn't
[00:16:06] Leah Clionsky: a rule about this
[00:16:07] Jocelyn: And I feel like that's something really important that I want people to know, right? You and I struggle with this, so it's a very normal thing to struggle in. It's nothing to, personalize about yourself or your parenting. It's just parenting is really hard
[00:16:22] Leah Clionsky: It is. Yeah, so hard. All right. Well, what's the third thing I can do to support my kids in this way?
[00:16:28] Jocelyn: Yeah. So it's okay not to know. Try out a bunch of stuff. I would say it's almost better to find out what you don't like and rule that out before you find out what you do like.
[00:16:40] Leah Clionsky: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:41] Jocelyn: So most people do not have their career paths figured out, right? And that's okay. And people maybe start on one career path and it takes them to another.
[00:16:51] Jocelyn: All of that is great, right? And I think sharing that truth with teens often takes away a lot of the fear. It's not like you are gonna go into college and the rest of your life is going to be determined by this singular decision. No. Right? Letting them know that it's okay for the road to take bran- to, to branch off in different directions, and to try things so that they know what they like and what they don't like.
[00:17:12] Jocelyn: And if they're interested in medicine and they do a summer internship at a hospital with a doctor and they're like, "I hate this," great. I always say, "Fantastic. I'm so glad 'cause now we can cross that off and focus on the parts that you do like."
[00:17:27] Leah Clionsky: You know what else is interesting and as you're talking about this, is that I feel like also as parents, when we're thinking about education,
[00:17:35] Jocelyn: う
[00:17:35] Leah Clionsky: we get like really rigid in like it must serve this career goal. But there's so much education that is about like growing as a human. Like
[00:17:45] Leah Clionsky: I am a double major in psychology and French. I became accidentally a double major in French, and I became fluent and I studied abroad, and that has brought so much richness to my life.
[00:17:56] Leah Clionsky: And I do not use it professionally, but like I learned a lot about myself through the process of being
[00:18:04] Leah Clionsky: really uncomfortable speaking a language that I knew only like 80% and then being able to use it at different times.
[00:18:10] Leah Clionsky: So I
[00:18:10] Leah Clionsky: would-- I mean, that did not turn-- That had nothing to do with my degree, did not turn into anything that's a stream of income for me. But that experience and that education is not something I would give away. So
[00:18:24] Jocelyn: Hu- 100%. And I think a lot of it is about, developing yourself as a person, right? Character development, and developing self-esteem and self-worth and confidence to go in different directions. That almost speaks volumes over knowing a specific direction. 'Cause when somebody shows up and they have confidence and they have self-worth and self-esteem, and they're able to try out different things and make definitive decisions for themselves, people respond well to that
[00:18:54] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. That's so true. Well, I'm so glad that you put this all into perspective. I'm going to have to re-listen to this episode in years when my kids are in the midst of this and I am also panicking like everyone else who is in the midst of this kind of situation.
[00:19:11] Jocelyn: Same for me in a few years when, yeah, when we're looking at colleges
[00:19:15] Leah Clionsky: Tell everyone how they can find you and tell them about the assessment tool that you use in your own private practice that really helps teens and families figure out what would be in line with their interests.
[00:19:29] Jocelyn: Absolutely. So I'm a psychologist. The name of my practice is Abrams Psychology. And I offer something called the Bergman Method, and some of you may have heard of it before. It's basically a psychology-based roadmap to help teens make confident college and career decisions, right? So it helps identify strengths, weaknesses, goals, right?
[00:19:50] Jocelyn: To help you ba- to help your teen make both strategic decisions about best fit environment for them and also, uh, the direction that would make them happiest to go into. And all of that turns into, identifying a successful roadmap for the future.
[00:20:06] Leah Clionsky: When you have kids and families like go through this process,
[00:20:10] Jocelyn: Mm-hmm.
[00:20:11] Leah Clionsky: and they start off all concerned and stressed, maybe not getting along with their parents in the moment about this,
[00:20:18] Leah Clionsky: what's the outcome when you're done?
[00:20:21] Jocelyn: I w-- It's-- I love that you asked that. So I would say across the board, my teens always say that they feel heard and seen. That they say, "I don't know how you were able to know that about me, having me fill out this for-- this assessment for forty-five minutes or so, but you have just mapped out my personality."
[00:20:41] Jocelyn: And parents have better insight into and awareness into what their teens need and what their teens interests and passions are. So for example, if you have a kid who tends to be an introvert, and mom and dad think, "Oh, they're just avoiding coming downstairs and talking, and I need to force them to be social."
[00:20:57] Jocelyn: And the kid's saying, "No, I'm just so tired," right? Sure there's a lot that could be going on there. But in this circumstance, in this case, right? The Birkman could say, this kid isn't... it can be introverted, right? So after they've been really busy and very outgoing and very social for the f- full day, they need to have time to decompress.
[00:21:16] Jocelyn: So giving them that time allows them to recharge and then come out, right? So that translates to careers, that translates to maybe college environment and campus size. It translates into future relationships and different career options. I mean, the... So all of the different personality facets really translate kind of across the board to various things.
[00:21:39] Leah Clionsky: Wow, that's beautiful. And the other thing I was thinking is that what kids really want, what everyone really wants, is to be seen, heard, and
[00:21:46] Jocelyn: Yeah.
[00:21:47] Leah Clionsky: And for their parents to get that information so that
[00:21:50] Leah Clionsky: they can really listen,
[00:21:53] Leah Clionsky: I feel like that would be healing, very healing in a
[00:21:56] Jocelyn: Totally. And they see it written down. I mean, like I-- So I put together, a full presentation kind of portfolio of all of the results, and the kids say, "Look, like it's literally saying right there what I've been, what I've been trying to explain about what I need and how I interact with people," or blah, blah, that they may not have known how to put that into words but this spells it out for them
[00:22:18] Leah Clionsky: Oh, I love it. Well, obviously if you are in this situation and you want this kind of clarity, definitely go and talk to Dr. Abrams. Her website is in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Jocelyn. I
[00:22:31] Jocelyn: Thanks for having me. It was great
[00:22:33] Leah Clionsky: All right. And we're excited to talk to you as well, and I will talk to you again next week on the Educated Parent podcast.