How to Balance Extracurricular Activities in a Busy Family Without Mom Guilt With Rachel Fein
How to Balance Extracurricular Activities in a Busy Family Without Mom Guilt With Rachel Fein
Choosing extracurricular activities for kids can feel overwhelming, especially when you are parenting in a busy family. If you have ever felt pulled in a dozen directions, worried about doing too much or not enough, or quietly carrying mom guilt about your choices, you are not alone. This is one of the most common struggles I hear from parents in my clinical work and in my own life as a parent.
In this episode of the Educated Parent Podcast, I sat down with Dr. Rachel Fein to talk about how parents can thoughtfully choose extracurricular activities without falling into overscheduling, burnout, or guilt. We explored how to make decisions that actually support your child’s development, your family values, and your own well-being, while still prioritizing meaningfulphysical activity for kids.
Why the Relationship With Your Child Matters More Than You Think
When parents come to me feeling stuck, burned out, or frustrated, the issue is often not discipline or behavior. It is the relationship with your child. When connection weakens, everything else becomes harder. Power struggles increase. Emotions escalate. Everyone feels misunderstood.
Strengthening your relationship with your child does not require perfection. It requires intention. When children feel deeply seen and valued, they are more cooperative, more emotionally regulated, and more resilient. This is the foundation of confident parenting.
Why Extracurricular Activities Create So Much Pressure
Extracurricular activities are often framed as essential for success. Parents are constantly told that kids need to stay busy, develop skills early, and keep up with what everyone else is doing. In a busy family, this pressure can quickly turn into overscheduling, leaving parents exhausted and kids overstimulated.
When families feel pressured to say yes to everything, mom guilt often creeps in. Parents worry that saying no will hold their child back or disappoint them. But more activities do not always lead to better outcomes. In fact, too much structure can reduce family connection, increase stress, and make parenting feel like a nonstop logistical challenge.
Understanding Overscheduling and Its Impact on Families
Overscheduling does not just affect kids. It impacts the entire busy family system. Long evenings, rushed dinners, late bedtimes, and constant transitions can leave everyone dysregulated. Parents often notice increased meltdowns, irritability, and resistance, not because kids are doing something wrong, but because they are simply tired.
Dr. Fein emphasized that extracurricular activities should support family functioning, not undermine it. When schedules leave no room for rest, free play, or connection, even positive activities can become stressful. Reducing overscheduling can immediately improve mood, cooperation, and emotional regulation for both parents and children.
Letting Go of Mom Guilt Around Extracurricular Choices
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation was addressing mom guilt head-on. Many parents feel guilty for prioritizing their own energy, rest, or mental health. But parenting from a place of depletion does not benefit children.
Letting go of mom guilt means recognizing that your regulation matters. When parents are calmer and more present, children feel safer and more connected. Choosing fewer extracurricular activities or protecting weekends for family time is not selfish. It is often a form of responsible, intentional parenting in a busy family.
Choosing Physical Activity for Kids Without Burnout
Movement is important, and physical activity for kids supports emotional regulation, confidence, and overall health. But physical activity does not have to mean intense schedules or competitive sports. Dr. Fein encouraged parents to think broadly about what physical activity for kids can look like.
Swimming, casual sports, playground time, bike rides, or even free play at home all count. When parents focus on enjoyment rather than performance, kids are more likely to build a healthy relationship with movement. Supporting physical activity for kids should feel sustainable, not overwhelming.
How Family Values Should Guide Activity Decisions
Every busy family has different values, priorities, and limits. One of the most important takeaways from this episode is that extracurricular activities are tools, not requirements. They should align with your family’s values, your child’s temperament, and your current season of life.
If your family values downtime, connection, or cultural traditions, those matter just as much as structured activities. When choices are grounded in values instead of comparison, mom guilt often decreases, and confidence increases.
Practical Takeaways for Parents
Here are a few grounded reminders to carry with you when making extracurricular decisions:
More activities do not equal better parenting.
Overscheduling often creates more stress than growth.
Your energy and regulation matter in a busy family.
Physical activity for kids should support joy, not pressure.
Releasing mom guilt allows you to parent with more clarity and confidence.
Final Thoughts for Busy Parents
If extracurricular activities are currently causing stress in your home, this episode is your permission to pause and reassess. You are allowed to make choices that work for your busy family, even if they look different from what others are doing.
Parenting is not about doing everything. It is about doing what fits your family well. When you release mom guilt, reduce overscheduling, and choose activities that align with your values, you create space for connection, calm, and confidence, for both you and your kids.
You are doing better than you think, and your children benefit most from a regulated, present parent, not a perfect schedule.
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Episode 15: Should You Keep Pushing Your Child to Succeed or Back Off? With Kristin Mervich
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CONNECT WITH DR. RACHEL FEIN:
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[00:00:00] Leah Clionsky: Welcome to the Educated Parent Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Leah Clionsky, and I'm so thrilled to discuss this topic and have our amazing guest. So today we're going to talk about extracurricular activities and the challenges that come with choosing the right ones for your family and your child and your children, and the pros and cons, and it's just so incredibly overwhelming.
[00:00:26] Leah Clionsky: So that's why I'm so. So glad that Dr. Rachel Fein is here with me today. She is a licensed child psychologist and a board-certified behavior analyst, and she specializes in the assessment of autism and other neurodevelopmental conditions as well as parent-focused treatments for families of children with autism.
[00:00:46] Leah Clionsky: And through her private practice, she provides diagnostic evaluations and evidence-based parent coaching to help families understand their child's needs and foster connection and growth at home. She's just very passionate about empowering parents with the compassionate tools and behavioral science to help them, and that's why it's so great that she's here.
[00:01:08] Leah Clionsky: So welcome to the show, Dr. Fine.
[00:01:11] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here.
[00:01:14] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, I'm so happy that you were able to join me and to discuss this topic because I personally find it really overwhelming.
[00:01:23] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Absolutely. I do too. You are not alone. And I think most parents, um, whether you have small children or you know, school age, middle school, high school, I think everybody is going through the exact same thing.
[00:01:36] Leah Clionsky: You know, one thing that's I think interesting about both you and I is that we both have young children and we're already overwhelmed by the extracurricular activity question.
[00:01:46] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I have a. 5-year-old and a 7-year-old. And I think that my husband and I have this conversation regularly about what are the right decisions when it comes to, um, deciding what you're gonna invest in when it comes to extracurricular activities. So I think this topic is super relevant.
[00:02:07] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. For me there's always this war about like balance.
[00:02:11] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Mm-hmm.
[00:02:12] Leah Clionsky: You know, like what is the right amount of activities that's gonna be interesting for them and helpful. But then I'm also afraid of overscheduling. And then there's also this, this balance of like wanting family time versus wanting, you know, having to run around all of the time.
[00:02:29] Leah Clionsky: And I, I think it's really hard to find the in-between to those sorts of decisions.
[00:02:34] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: I totally agree, and I think to your point about the balance, like thinking about. School, you know, doing things after school, doing things on the weekend. Um, and, you know, some extracurriculars too aren't necessarily always like the fun stuff, right? Like some things, you know, for some families, depending on like, their, you know, culture, the religion, like they do like Sunday school or you're doing church or you're going to synagogue or mosque and, um, it can just, it can be hard.
[00:03:03] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: There's only so many hours in the day. Um, and we, we wanna fill it with, with quality time that. While also not, um, forgetting people's mental health and what's really realistic for, for most families.
[00:03:18] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, that's such an important point that you're bringing up about being realistic and also. Like, just how is everyone feeling about it? Because you can have different temperaments even within your own family, the people who wanna stay at home and chill out, which is actually what my 4-year-old son is like.
[00:03:34] Leah Clionsky: I think he would, I'll offer him like a, like, let's go to the playground, and he'll say, can I just stay home and play with these toys? Whereas my daughter would go to every activity every second of the day all the time. And there's a mismatch even between the two of them.
[00:03:50] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Absolutely. That's the same within my household. My little one, like if he had his way, he'd probably just be like coloring and drawing or like doing Legos. And he act, he asks for like. Can I just have some playtime at home? And my older one is like very active and, you know, loves a playground, loves a play date, um, you know, loves a, a birthday party, loves to go to the museum.
[00:04:11] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Like literally anything that involves leaving the house like he is, he is game four. So you're right, that mismatch, even between siblings within your family, can be super tricky and challenging.
[00:04:22] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, and then it's also, as you were pointing out too, the things that feel like they are non-negotiables. Like in my house, my kids had to learn how to swim. Like I just in Texas view that as a basic safety issue. Whether or not you want to learn how to swim, you have to learn how to swim so that you don't drown at a pool party.
[00:04:40] Leah Clionsky: So that was an activity I insisted we do.
[00:04:43] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: It's funny that you say that because it's the same for my family as well. Like we don't, we don't have our own pool, but we have lots of friends that have pools or we belong to like a community center that has a pool and that was something that was really important. I learned to swim probably later than I probably should have.
[00:04:59] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: So that was something that's important for me. Um, and I will say we have probably been to every single swim school in the city based on. Our, you know, the proximity to where our children's school was, the timing of the class, what worked, um, because we've had to negotiate those scheduling conversations and, you know, you're not just thinking about the actual time that you're spending during the class, but the travel time that you know, how close it is butting up to, whether it's dinner or bedtime.
[00:05:31] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: So yes, that is, that is definitely relatable.
[00:05:34] Leah Clionsky: Do you have other activities that in your house are non-negotiable or will be later where you think I, you know, to have balanced children, they must do this? In my opinion.
[00:05:45] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: That's a really good question. Um, you know, some of the things that are important to us, like you said, swimming for example, is important. Another one is just some sort of physical activity. So swimming could certainly count for that. It can, you know, overlap. I think one of the things that I'd really love for my kids to do is kind of engage in some sort of physical activity.
[00:06:09] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: It doesn't necessarily need to be like a team sport. Um, we're, we've gone through doing like soccer, we've moved on to tennis, and tennis seems to be the right fit for my older one where it's, he's still getting more like one-on-one attention. Um, he's able to do it in a small group, and that's been really good because I like the idea of him having an activity that.
[00:06:30] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: He's learning to work with other people, but he's also learning the importance of just moving your body. He's developing a hobby that I think is an easy one to be able to take on, um, in other parts of life. But the other one that's important for our family is, um, you know, once our kids entered kindergarten is our children do Sunday school and so on Sunday mornings they go to Sunday school.
[00:06:50] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: It's probably not my older one's most favorite thing to do, but it's, it's important for us. Um, and we want him to do that, to learn about his. Jewish background especially 'cause he does go to public school. And so that's something that we also have to keep in mind. That's a couple of hours every Sunday that he's away from us.
[00:07:09] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: He's, you know, with his friends, he's in, um, he's at his synagogue. But it's definitely something that takes away time from the family, but is also important that for us, that he does do it.
[00:07:21] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. Yeah, like it sounds like that is such an important cultural value that you're going to keep on doing it even if you resist it because it's really essential in your family and kind of working your weekend schedule around that is really important.
[00:07:37] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And like we've had to say no to some birthday parties, um, because he has, whether it's an event related to Sunday school or it's something related to the synagogue. And, and I think that those are important conversations that we've had to have, right? So many of our kids have, you know. FOMO or fear of missing out.
[00:07:55] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Um, and even as adults, as parents, sometimes we have that for our kids. But I think to your point about like the value system in place, that every family's gonna be different and that's okay. Um, you have to do what's gonna make the most sense for your unique family.
[00:08:08] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, I find myself, um, trying to keep our weekends more free because I just want some downtime with the kids after rushing around all week. But that means I've actually said no to some extracurricular activities that, again, my daughter would be in every activity every day, and I am kind of valuing the, not rushing in the morning.
[00:08:32] Leah Clionsky: Kind of for myself, to be honest. And it's a tough balance. But I also find, and I don't know if you run into this too, that there's a lot of judgment from other parents, no matter how you schedule yourself. So if you book yourself solid, everyone judges you. If they don't think you're busy enough, then um, they, they'll like make little comments.
[00:08:54] Leah Clionsky: And sometimes I think it's other people's own insecurities about. They're not sure how much they should be scheduling, and are you doing this the same way? Do you run into that?
[00:09:03] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Oh, for sure. And I think that there's this idea of like, but I do it this way. So like if I can do it or if like I'm on the struggle bus, um, schlepping my child from one activity to another, like why can't they do it? Or, you know, why didn't they say yes to the birthday party? Like they can miss art class or they can miss tennis, or they can miss Sunday school.
[00:09:26] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Or you know, maybe even having, like you said, that protected downtime, like that is beautiful that y'all do that for your family and that's important to you. It's still important. So maybe it's not you're, you're not leaving the house to go do something, but you're having family time. And I think that is something that should be valued and something that should be protected.
[00:09:46] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: But I agree, there's always gonna be people that make some comments here and there, and as parents it's so hard to, to stay strong because it's easy to fall into that trap of comparison or even feeling like a little bit of like pressure or guilt from other people to do things the same way that they do it.
[00:10:05] Leah Clionsky: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that it's hard to be a parent right now. There's so, there's so much judgment. So much pressure. I feel like, um, you and I, at least I can escape it a little because I don't like follow a whole lot of parenting experts because I feel like I have enough trusted people I can go to and have problems.
[00:10:24] Leah Clionsky: But I think if I were also on TikTok and Instagram, like try looking at other people for advice, then I would feel a lot more overwhelmed with option.
[00:10:35] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: You know, it's, I think, you know, it's funny, when I speak with like my mom or my mother-in-law, you know, sometimes they'll say like, parenting is a lot easier, these dates. 'cause you have so many resources available. You have Amazon, you have Target, you have. Google Maps and while all of that is true, there are a lot of things that make things easier.
[00:10:56] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: There is just way, there's just so much accessibility to also noise that we have a hard time tuning out as parents because there's no matter where you turn, there's gonna be somebody telling you like, you have to do it this way, or you know, this is how I got my child into the school, or This is how I got my child reading, or This is how I got my child.
[00:11:18] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: You know, on their way to become a professional baseball player, when in reality we really need to be focusing on like, not just our family, but also the unique features of your own child and kind of their own personality and their temperament and, and what's gonna make the most sense for them as well.
[00:11:36] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, it's like an experiment. You, you know, right now I've slowed things down on the weekend. Probably at a certain point I'll bump it up and see how that feels, you know, depending upon how my kids are reacting to
[00:11:48] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And also, and also your, the age of your children. Right. And also like the season of parenting. I don't know if you've had this experience, but when my kids were much smaller, you know, they tended to like wake up bright and early, you know, way earlier than I would've liked them to. So I was definitely more keen on like, all right, let's get out of the house.
[00:12:09] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Let's take him to the park. Let's just, you know, let's go on a bike ride. Let's go do things. Let's go grocery shopping. But as my kids have gotten older, I definitely am taking more of the approach of like, if I can stay at home as long as possible, to have like a nice relaxing morning where I don't need to transition out of pajamas.
[00:12:27] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Like we can have a leisurely breakfast. Like that's what I would love to do. So I've had to say no to even whether it's. Birthday invitations or even friends that are like, Hey, you should join this class we're doing, it's at 9:00 AM on Saturday. And I'm like, no, thank you. I know my kid would love that, but I won't love that.
[00:12:45] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And you know, my experience is, is also important as well. It,
[00:12:50] Leah Clionsky: I love that you're saying that. I agree. Our parental experiences, our weekends are important too. Um, now I can sleep until like eight 30 on the weekends, which is
[00:13:01] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: that's huge.
[00:13:02] Leah Clionsky: And we just let the kids watch tv. They get up earlier, they can watch the Netflix shows that we know are safe for them, and we go back to bed and.
[00:13:10] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Yeah.
[00:13:11] Leah Clionsky: That's so amazing that I'm not willing to trade that in unless there's something like deeply important that has to happen instead, but it's, you know, it's nice to be able to access that.
[00:13:23] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, it's like when growing up we had, uh, you know, our Saturday morning cartoons and nobody was, nobody was paying attention to what we were watching. And so it's nice to be able to also keep our kids safe, but also like give them some freedom to like just do things on their own at home as well.
[00:13:44] Leah Clionsky: I love answering the question I'm, or it's not really a question. It's sort of a demand. Like I'm bored, like what am I gonna do? I'm like, figure it out.
[00:13:52] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: exactly. You know, you got this whole, you got our whole home. There's plenty of things. You know where everything is located. Like I think you're gonna come up with a really solid plan.
[00:14:01] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, and also, I mean, just as a reassurance point to everyone listening, you have to remember that only 1% of the content that goes out about parenting on TikTok and Instagram is by actual like experts. It is a lot of people with big opinions. That doesn't mean that they are right, and that doesn't mean that they know you and your child either, so you have to take it all with a grain of salt.
[00:14:28] Leah Clionsky: But now that we've hopefully given you some freedom to make your own choices, I know Dr. Fine has some strategies that you can use for making those decisions for yourself and your family.
[00:14:40] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: For sure. So, you know, one of the first things that comes to mind is, is asking yourself the question like. You know, what is my bandwidth right now? Or what's that stage or what's the season of parenting that I'm in? Um, and as we kind of alluded to earlier, you know, our capacity as parents, it changes over time and there's nothing wrong with that.
[00:15:02] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: So there's this ebb and flow, right? So as I mentioned, you know, sometimes your kids are gonna be early risers. It might make sense. Like, we gotta get them moving, we gotta get them out of the house. Um. Other times it's like, it's let's have a leisurely morning. There's nothing wrong with that. Um, and I think asking that question too, of like, the season that I'm in right now, is it a season of survival?
[00:15:25] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Like am I just trying to make it to nap time or am I just trying to make it to the next snack or meal? Is it a season of like stability where it's like, let's just keep things the same? Like, you know, things have been working with doing tennis on Saturday mornings. Let's just keep doing it. There's no point in rocking the boat.
[00:15:45] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And then I think another question about, you know, your season is, or is this a season of growth? Like Yes, things have been working for us pretty well. My kids seem happy, but you know, I kind of wanna challenge them. They haven't really done anything with any new peers or they've kind of stuck to the same activities and I think this might be a good opportunity to, um.
[00:16:08] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Let's try a different sport, or let's try something that's more group focused. Um, or I, they've been talking about wanting to like learn a instrument and maybe this is the time because of the season that I'm in, that we add that on and, and those are some of the, the pieces when it comes to thinking about like your season, your phase of life, and kind of what bandwidth you have.
[00:16:30] Leah Clionsky: I love that because what your kids do not need is a burnt out parent who is deeply resenting the activities that, that you have put them in. Right. That is not good for them. And I feel like if I had to like have a theme in this podcast, it's often me saying your regulation as a parent really matters. We do not, none of us, including myself.
[00:16:55] Leah Clionsky: Or I'm sure Rachel, you either, none of us parent well, when we are deeply dysregulated. So you have to prioritize your own emotion regulation in
[00:17:04] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And you hit the nail on the head. Because I think about experience that I had last year is I had scheduled soccer for after school on a Thursday. It seemed great. We didn't have any, um. Activities, then it seemed like, oh, it's nice, it's at the end of the week. That was the worst decision ever. Um, we did not repeat that because what I found was that, you know what, he has homework and it was due on Friday and sometimes we didn't always get to it at the beginning of the week.
[00:17:32] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: The, the game or the practice was a little bit too late. Um, so it was sort of, kind of inching around dinner time and so. My kids were hangry. And also just the drive there and the drive back was just, it was dreadful. Like I felt dysregulated. Like you're outside, it's either and, you know, being in Houston, it's either too hot or it's somehow randomly very cold.
[00:17:56] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And I was like, this is just like, not for me. And I don't really think anybody in my family who's enjoying this. So we're like, we're putting a pile on soccer. We're not doing it. We're not scheduling any. Extracurriculars on Thursdays anymore. Like it's just not a good fit for us at that moment. And, and that's fine.
[00:18:10] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And I made peace with that decision.
[00:18:13] Leah Clionsky: I love that it really validates my decision not to do dance a at seven o'clock the way my daughter wants to have it during the week. I looked at that and thought, Nope. Mm.
[00:18:23] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: right? And the fact that it's even an option to do dance at seven o'clock at night like that. I think that's also the part is that a lot of the extracurricular, extracurricular activities are. Realize how busy parents are and so they also expand the options, but then parents are like, oh, it's an option.
[00:18:41] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Maybe I should take it. When should the option even exist? Like that's very late to be doing anything, even though it's so common for like most extracurricular activities and it's just becomes this like normal everyday thing that is just part of like our, our culture now.
[00:18:58] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, that's, I, I looked at that and looked into the crystal ball and saw everyone having a meltdown and just decided to spare us that, um, that torture. Okay. What are your, what are your other strategies, Rachel?
[00:19:12] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: So one of the other things that I also want to want parents to ask themselves, and this is something I ask myself quite a ask myself quite a bit, is, you know, what are my time commitments in my parameters? I mentioned this earlier, which is activities aren't just about the scheduled 30 minutes or the scheduled like hour activity.
[00:19:33] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Like you need to think about the transition time. Um, so how long is it gonna take you to get from point A to point B? So from school, from pickup to the activity. Does your child need to change clothes? Do they need to put on a uniform? Is that going to be some sort of bad? Um, what is like the recovery time, um, after the activity?
[00:19:58] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: So is it going to really hype your kid up and they get dysregulated afterwards? Is it something where they're gonna be too exhausted, um, to even make it through the car ride home to make it to dinner time? Um, and then also going back to parental energy. So. What do you have left in your tank after you know whether you are working outside the home, if you are a stay at home parent, what is your energy cap that you have?
[00:20:27] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Do you have anything available or leftover? 'cause you gotta think about, right? We have homework. Sometimes kids are also participating in other therapies. It's not just, most families aren't just thinking about their one kid, right? Like sometimes families have more than one kid. We got dinnertime, we got bathtime, we have bedtime needs, and also.
[00:20:44] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Just sibling needs in general. Um, like how many days per week can you realistically like leave the house after school, um, and, and fill your schedule up? So those things we need to be really realistic about. We don't wanna think about like, best case scenario. We wanna think on a typical day what your kid is like, what are the time constraints and what are, what are the things that you really need to consider when it comes to that?
[00:21:11] Leah Clionsky: Beautiful. Yeah. Couldn't agree more. And what's the third one?
[00:21:16] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And then the third one is going back to what we talked about at the beginning, which is what are our family values? Um, so when we think about activities or like extracurricular activities, they're tools. They're not really like requirements, so they should really align with what your family wants to prioritize.
[00:21:37] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Um, so. A couple of themes that I think about when it comes to values are, is your goal for this activity, for social connection, is it for like physical movement? Is it for skill building? Is it for, you know, increasing confidence? Is it exposure without pressure? Right? So is it just, you know, you want your kids to get their feet wet with this new activity, and are we choosing this activity?
[00:22:07] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Because it fits us for our family or for our child, or are we doing this because of outside pressure? Like all of my family members do this. All of our friends do this. And a big one I think about in, in my community is, um, like baseball. Like most of my friends kids are doing baseball. We have family members that do baseball.
[00:22:26] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And that's awesome for them. I'm so glad they enjoy it. That's not the best fit for us in our schedule. Um, and I think that I feel really fortunate because. I don't think that we have been pressured by any means, aside from us constantly having that question, like, are we doing the right thing? Like a lot of people we know are doing this.
[00:22:46] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: I wonder they, they must be on to something, but I'm thinking about my own kid or kids and thinking about what they, what makes the most sense for them, and then also like. Values don't just have to do with your family, it has to do with your own child. Like does this support their strengths? Does it, is it something that they even enjoy?
[00:23:06] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Or are they just doing something that they tolerate, which I think can have pros and cons too, as well.
[00:23:12] Leah Clionsky: Yeah. No, I love that point too, and it reminds me a little bit. Of the discussion that I have in another episode with Kristin Mvi, if you wanna listen to that one as well, about when to push your child and when to back off kind of fits in really seamlessly. To this last point as well, you know, and it's true that just having lots of other people doing something, we're kind of like herd animals.
[00:23:33] Leah Clionsky: And when everyone else is doing something, even if no one tells you to do it, you start asking yourself, is this the thing that I'm supposed to be doing? Too and having that, that awareness and really going through this topic and asking yourself those questions might help you make the decision that's right for you instead of involving yourself in a very time commitment, heavy activity that it turns out nobody wants to do
[00:23:59] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Exactly.
[00:24:00] Leah Clionsky: and baseball is one of those activities, and it's big in Houston, really
[00:24:03] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: It is. And even, you know, last year when both of my boys did soccer, you know, my younger one I think enjoyed it more than the other. Um, and we were like, you know what? We're gonna transition to a different soccer league that's still recreational. And one of the things that actually made my decision really easy to not do it is that a week before they were supposed to start, we still didn't have the schedule.
[00:24:26] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: And we had already bought the uniform. We knew that there was gonna be like a practice, there was gonna be a game, but they couldn't tell us when it was gonna be. And I was like, this, you know what, this is perfect. This makes my decision super easy. We are just not gonna do it. And we will, you know, resell the uniform to somebody.
[00:24:43] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: Um, because my time is important and my kids' times are important and I don't wanna just do an activity and have it be super inconvenient for us if it's not really gonna be. The thing that aligns with, with our values,
[00:24:58] Leah Clionsky: Yeah, that makes so much sense. You know, I love everything that you're saying. I know that listeners are going to want to connect with you. What is the best way for people to find you?
[00:25:10] Dr. Rachel H. Fein: please. So I have a website, it's dr rachel fine.com. Um, and so if you go to my website, families can reach out. I have my email, my phone number on there. I'm happy to consult with families anytime.
[00:25:24] Leah Clionsky: Thank you again for coming on and talking about this big dilemma all of us face. It's wonderful having you here and I know that people are gonna reach out to you. And thank you for listening to Educated Parent. Um, if you love this episode, let me know if there are other topics you would like to hear me discuss.
[00:25:44] Leah Clionsky: Definitely reach out. Let me know what you would like us to tell you about. 'cause we're always looking to give you evidence-based strategies to solve your everyday parenting problems. So have a wonderful week and I will see you all next time.